emilious

why?

2010-02-05T01:14:00.002+08:00

why not everyone just let me go then there will be no more problems for me and everyone?

i wished everyone would give up hope on me.

so they wouldn't care and they wouldn't have any problems.

all you have to do is treat me like i never existed.
i'm fine with that.

and sorry to disappoint all, i can't do it.
i forced myself to be okay for all's sake, but i'm not. i'm living life as a chore.
i forced myself to find a job regardless of what mental state i am in. but i'm not ready to find a job and i am depressed. the constant pressure of others is on me. but they don't understand. just give me up. i am not feeling well at all. not at all.

if i found a job, so what? all of you will be happy, but will i?
if i can't move on but i forced myself, all of you will be happy, will i?
if i do the things according to what people around me told me to, all will be happy, will i?

i am weak, i am emotional, i am whatever all of you say. but i dare say i tried my best. but sometimes, things just happen. and all is not to blame. he is not to blame. blame me. my heart. i am doing all these things to myself.

i am depressed because i couldn't move on. i am depressed because i don't want to move on but i'm forced to do so. if you think that constantly asking me to move on is going to help. it's not.

i was ok, i was comforted, i was blessed with good friends and family.
but i wasn't happy.

sorry to say to all, but i'm overjoyed when he hopes that sunday has no vessel so that we could meet up and spend a day together and talk things out.
i'm overjoyed when he appreciates when i cared for him.
i'm overjoyed that he's talking to me normally like friends.
and i'm overjoyed that i could care for him.
i'm overjoyed i still could look out for him as a friend.

i am confused myself. i wanted both sides.
i wanted to be happy with my friends and family and i wanted to be happy with him as friends too.

he would be so angry to see this.
but i am affected by what he does and what he says.
i am emotional because of him.
have i been emotional when he talked to me nicely, when he treated me with care?
and take note, his meaning for emotional is emotionally unstable.

to tell someone he looked better in specs is something that i feel he could look better in and not comment that without his specs he's ugly.
to tell someone that he's wearing that pants again, is telling him, i thought he himself said that that pants does not match well with his tops. but he still wore it anyway.

i have no intention of mocking or implying that he's ugly.

and then his explorer was down, he was down too.
he vented all on me.
i tolerated because i knew it was frustrating.
but then i think i talked too much that made him madder.

and he said i irritating a not.

and then, he pulls out the friends thing.
the thing that i felt most sensitive of.
he used that to bring down the walls that protect my heart.
then gave a stab at it.

and then he didn't want to talk to me anymore.

i try my best, people dont see it. when i made a mistake, i was condemned.

so everyone read this.

PLEASE GIVE UP HOPE ON ME.
IT'S EASY FOR ALL OF YOU.
SO JUST DO IT.

i never existed at all.
emily wasn't your friend.
emily wasn't your family.
emily wasn't anyone or anything.

all i want to do is sit at one corner.

i am over. i have no hope at all.

i once said if i believe, it will one day be ok.
but now, i can see it is not true.

so don't bother believing in me. don't bother trying to tell me to do things that i am not happy doing.

because i don't believe anymore.

however, contradicting what i've said earlier, i believe i have no hope.

so don't bother. don't bother anymore.
i gave up on myself.

pohley, i don't want to force you to be friends with me.
i gave up all including you and myself. so i'm fine alone now.

i don't know why you decided to treat me this way. i know it's a small matter.
but i feel hurt.

"emily lets not talk."

it might not mean anything to you when you said this in a fit of anger.
but it meant alot to me. and whatever you have said just now.

thanks for these few days of happiness, pohley. i really felt happy ever since a long time.

the sun sets at 7.21 pm on Sunday.
i'll depend on myself to go see it alone.

after that, everything i hoped for, i'll give up entirely willingly.

everyone, just forget me. i never existed.

harsh

2010-02-02T01:52:00.002+08:00

i didn't mean to make it sound as if you're a jerk or a bad person. it's just what i felt. i can only tell you. i'm so so so much better now. really. though there's emptiness, i'll just have to wait for someone to fill me up with life and happiness. the right one. HAHA. -.-

i'll still care for you. i'll still look out for you. and i of course still do love you. now since we're fine. i hope we can one day meet up and slowly discuss what has happened in the past in order for us to learn. not to bear grudges.

i know you won't prepare a list of questions to ask me, but i will. cos i have so so many things to ask you. things like what we could have done right and why does it go wrong in the past. and things like now that we're friends, what are the things that we should look at to maintain the happiness in the friendship. what has to be more sensitive at stuff like that.

it's not a set of rules, but it'll help us learn and communicate more often. then slowly misunderstandings are much lesser seen between us.

we also have to understand that friendship is not only between me and you. there is also others who you can trust. a small circle but a strong pillar of support. :)

oh man. i let out a really BIG sigh. i don't know whether am i happy but i do feel lifted. thanks for taking out time this afternoon to talk nicely and explain whatever that is needed to be explained.

i wanted to talk to you face to face but i was scared i would make things go wrong again. it wasn't a good start ever since i came back. and i don't want to make any more mistakes, arouse any more misunderstandings and create any more trouble, hurt and anger. but i have to try. i must.

so see you soon on a no-work windy day and we'll talk it through. :) i look forward to it. but i feel as if i am going for an interview. omg! haha.

oh well... i'm tired. :) isn't it a good thing? i don't have to sleep with a heartache and tears on my face. sweet dreams to me. sweetdreams to annette and qiqi. sweet dreams pohely. :)

i have been very unthankful to warren for giving a ride home all the time. thanksss alot alot. hope you and annette could finish up those irritating reports and celebrate a happy chinese new year! hehe.

thanks to jeffrey for the gospel you shared with us. it was good. :)

I LET OUT A BIGGER SIGH of RELIEF! God bless all! finally the sea had calmed down. thanks to God for the friends. :) cheers to annette and qiqi for being my best friends for almost a decade already. :)

the gratitude i had for everyone was speechless. all i can do is smile. :)

screwed

2010-02-01T01:11:00.005+08:00

just when i was happy and i was better, i talked to him. and this is what i get.

i can see he was totally fake talking to me. i can imagine his face being proud, looking at the screen, reading the emails sent by a girl so desperately wanting to be his friend. once again, but as a friend now, he still has the upper hand. and he went offline without any closing. just like that. it was rude. i was pissed off but hurt and i wanted to cry but i didn't. my heart hurt like mad. and the way he said he didn't hate me, it's so unbelievable. he said, "oh btw let me make this clear, i don't hate you." how am i supposed to react to that kind of attitude? and who would start a conversation with "you might want to talk to me". like, he's the boss sitting on the chair and i'm some small fry. and what's with the nick that says "i will change, but not for the better" i was wondering, is he enjoying hurting me, seeing me with his feet pressing down on my face? cos i feel that he's so happy seeing me answer with fear. fear that if i don't agree what he said, he would have just ignored or avoided me for another 2 days or longer. i don't feel that he wants to be friends. it's just after enjoying seeing me so pathetic and pitiful that he gave me the honor to be his friend. that is what he is making me feel. why is he like that? does really hurting me again and again that satisfying? is there really no love at all? is there not even the basic level of care and concern? respect and sensitivity? conscience and attitude? and he's telling me he's not changing for the better? using himself to break me? become bad and let me see him turn bad, so that he could get the ultimate hurt he could give me? his best shot? why do i feel the great amount of fakeness when he talks to me? i shouldn't have talked to him. especially online. maybe it's true. now i realised that he could make me, who tried to already move on, to once again drop into a dark hole and feel the whole painful thing over again. it's like back 3 spaces. i have gone back 3 days earlier. what i tried to do to make myself happy. all gone. and it all comes down to one feeling where there is fear, sadness and no hope for myself.

well done, you have hit your highest score. here's a prize for you, my heart. like literally, my bloody heart. yay. no heart no pain!

now, go continue enjoy torturing that heart.

home all day

2010-01-31T22:47:00.003+08:00

annette and qiqi came to bai fang me. HAHA. i think i have a serious case of waiting. which mean, i am very impatient. like i said, parents only look at one side of the story. which is mine. and friends look at both. that's why is it at ease to tell them everything. like they said, so what if i know how he feels and what is he doing? nothing is going to happen and i might get hurt again. and i realised i can be forceful too. and it comes down to because i was impatient+++. if i say i don't love him anymore, it's not true. but if i say i can be normal friends with him. i could. because i have the heart to do so and tell myself i have to treat him as a friend no matter what. i have to change that forceful habit of mine.

i called him, i tried to find his home phone number, i tried to singtel online whether he had an alternative number he's using and leaving the usual phone aside totally avoiding and ignoring me, so that i could just contact him to know he's ok. why should i know he's ok? because i worry. i might worry for him as someone i loved on the inside, but i can worry for him as a friend on the outside. tell me, which one of my friends have ever not picked up a phone, not replied any of the smses, when i called or smsed? UNLESS he doesn't treat me as a friend anymore or maybe even from the start, i'm not his friend at all. i felt guilty ignoring my friends for one day. he ignored me TWO++++ days lor.

i cannot wait. that's why. even friends ask me to give him time. but i was impatient. i was irritated. i was angry. i was pissed off he just avoided me like that. pissed off+++++++. maybe he doesn't know how it feels like to worry for someone he love, because hadn't loved me any. then at least spare a thought for me who lost him and who had to force myself to get over it. at least tell me you didn't want to be friends with me and i'll leave you alone. because avoiding me like that is making me a failure. i couldn't even get you to talk to me.

somehow, my brain's telling me he's not as good as what my heart tells me. my heart is the one holding on, but i have a practical brain which feels that my heart is bound to wei le love for him and die. such a weakling heart. in the end, my brain just has one sentence to say about the whole package (me), which is stupid, dumb, hopeless, why don't i just go and die. no la, my brain gave up, but my heart pump like mad for love, so the brain bo bian.

i am worried sick. i don't know what's happening anymore. i don't want to think what is all done wrong. i don't want to think about the things he and i did wrong the last time. i don't want to think about the past. i want a new life too. with or without him to walk along with me, it doesn't matter. but is it that bad that friends is even impossible? maybe to him, it is. i don't know. i'm still dangling in the middle of nowhere.

if in the end we ever got back together (which it's likely IMpossible), we can create a new life if we put down all grudges and accept each other, and change under each other's patient teachings and adapt to each other's likes and dislikes with terms of sensitivity, care, concern, and most importantly with the heart and love. of course believing in a happy ending is important too. i feel that believing that we will last is just like believing in god. if we don't believe, there is no bond. i believed in god, and i'm already a step towards god. and the bond is created between me and god. that's why i say, believing that we will last, will give strength to carry on having the life we wanted. because believing gives you the reason why we have more heart to tolerate as well as understand each other. i think i drifted. there must be love between each other too. if there isn't, believing itself will be useless. and this whole paragraph is trash. love does conquers all. so true. i love god. :)

if in the end he still thinks that there is no hope and he really doesn't love me at all anymore. then all i can do is what i have been trying to do all the while. can't be his girlfriend, be a good friend and support him like what annette and qiqi did to me. RIGHT?

ya. oh wellllll. i have to start training myself to be patient. can say i tend to get frantic when things as serious as this happens. can't blame me whattt. hoho. moreover i still have feelings for him. you can't expect me to no heart until like that. you think i don't want to no heart meh, it's like super painful and hurting if got heart. -.-

i'll just have to wait for his answer. god will wait with me right? hehe. i chose this path. if god tells me it's futile, it's ok to me. cos its something i don't regret doing. but god will still be there for me. even how stubborn i am. wait only, in the midst of waiting still can do alot of other things. hoho. oh neverminddd. :)

shopping

2010-01-30T15:56:00.003+08:00

today is shopping day. i finished my cny shopping. :) this year's sure gloomy. :( hope the clothes look good on me. and hope he likes it even if he hates me. :(

oh, and i broke my nail. :( see what i mean? i'm suay.

hurt, pain and cry

2010-01-29T04:12:00.000+08:00

i didn't have the appetite to eat. one day without food. maybe i'll aim for three days. i feel giddy though. but i'll be all at home. so it wouldn't be dangerous. mummy's always home, won't die. good. my body would just have to eat the fats off. you don't know how much lard i have on me. life has nothing better for me. it just gets worse every single day. what have i done? i don't know. but the consequence is i lost him.

i failed so badly and i drop down and cry. like crying is going to make things better. i was home all day so i reflected on myself. i think i'm the lousiest freak in the world.

i am a very very clumsy and careless person. because of that, i spilled miso on my laptop, i dropped my camera into the pond, my phone is always spoilt, and i knock into everything i see, or rather i thought i saw it but still i knocked into it. who could tolerate that? no one not even him, and friends will just shake their heads.

i am an impatient person. if anything happens today, i have to solve it by today. i hate to sleep thinking about it and wake up with it. it's painful and it's nagging. you can say i don't give a break. but isn't it better you don't bring things to the next day. it totally spoils the next day. and i envy++ people who can forget and treat it like nothing has ever happened before. power, they can also talk to you happily.

i am sensitive. but i tolerate moderately. i react when i am offended. everyone's the same for this. but i do make the effort to understand before i react, unless it's really not a good day. i have a temper. but i'm not unreasonable. but still, he couldn't tolerate me.

i am talkative. very. and i tend to miss out certain things, or certain reactions of people. sometimes, when i was too engrossed, i ignore people and just keep talking. very seldom but it happens. and i'm loud. not very but just louder than usual. i think he's embarrassed by me if he was with me.

i have a black face and i look fierce to people who don't know me. this is disgusting. but in fact i smile alot. and i think i have a pretty smile. :) but tell me, whose face is not fierce and black when they're angry?

i can really sleep. i don't know that's good or bad. but now, i wished i could sleep forever, but i couldn't. when things happen, i can't even sleep though my head hurts like crazy. i think alot. alot alot alot++++. that's why i'm sensitive and sometimes can be quite negative. no one likes negative people. so did he.

i don't wear branded. unless there is no size for me and the branded stuff has my size. i'm not expensive. but maybe he might look down on me because of that. BUT. my sense of fashion is not bad. can't say it's good as taste differs for everyone.

i put all my heart into people or things that i love. and i always end up hurt. i love my laptop, it died. i love my camera, it died. i love him, but he's gone. how lousy can i be? lousy enough to lose everything i love.

i'm a goner. there is nothing i can do. and pain is here to stay.

shopping has no purpose when you couldn't buy anything for him to make him smile.
chatting has no purpose when you couldn't talk about or feel proud of your love.
eating has no purpose when you don't have anyone to give you a mushy spoonful of rice, noodle or whatever.
future has no purpose when there is no one to build with.
and life has no purpose when there is no love.

there are things that you can't share with everyone. but you can share all things with an individual you trust, love and be there for you no matter what happens. a person you will be living with for life.

and there you go, what's so surprising when he ended a 4-year relationship with me? because i was lousy. there was not even a chance for me to clear things up.

false hopes, broken heart, constant cries and headaches, swollen eyes, lost appetite, no laughter. a sad sad sad situation to be in.

*hands up* i'm present.

can't communicate with anyone. they'll only know how to ask why and then tell me how good i can be. read again. is how good i can be. not what i am.

and so, that leaves me with no one to go to. and god is there for me, but still, he can't give me a big hug or stay with me all night to make sure i was better.

he's having it good. deleting all pictures he took with me from facebook. erasing every trace of me from his memory. i envy++++++ him. he got rid of a pest. and this pest still loves him so much. now see, how lousy am i?

how can a person says he loves you and then a week later lost all the love for you? i wanted to learn that. but i can't. there is no major obstacles that we didn't go through. but yet, we ended because of a small obstacle. and now he hates me. and all i have now is hurt, pain and cry. it just eats me up. hope it eats me up and ends everything. i'm so pathetic. he was right. i'm a lousy pathetic freak.

maybe i'll stay single till i die. with this heart of mine, i don't bother finding someone who loves me more than i love him. i'll always be the one hurt in the end and the other will feel relaxed and free and happy.

what is happy? i forgot.

MOVED

2009-06-23T17:15:00.002+08:00

blog moved for just the switzerland part. :)

here's the link clickclickclick.

2009-03-21T12:32:00.001+08:00

I have to say i'm very very looking forward to this.
projects are starting to pile up again after 3 submissions.
wish me luck. :)

school is damn it demanding

2009-01-20T00:57:00.001+08:00

i'm fkin busy. trust me.

december blues

2008-12-14T02:23:00.002+08:00

jobless. but was selling stuff. perler accessories. rather cute. why not go take a peek at it. it's cool. :)

{www.happyloots.blogspot.com}

do support me ya. feeling blue & stale today. i did housework like a maid. feel rather accomplished. hehe. but i didn't get to meet pohley today. he was cropped up with work. he told me me cement went into his mouth and it was not very nice-smelling. i think it was disgusting. anyways. timetable's out. not good.

8 modules. really look-difficult modules. :(
1 Personal Development Planning
2 Resorts Operations & Management
3 Financial Management for Hospitality & Tourism
4 Food Costing Purchasing & Merchandising
5 Food & Beverage Administration
6 Mice Management
7 International Human Resource Management
8 Enterprise Development Project

it's scary looking, and the names are way long.

i'm so feeling blue. don't understand why. i feel as if im floating my life away this december. maybe because there isn't an overseas holiday this year. and my mother reprimanded me for th ehigh electricity bills for using the laptop at night instead of in the morning where we don't have to on the lights. true. shall do that. but it's already 3.44 am. i think i'm feeling blue because i'm guilty.

anyway. if i had slept earlier, i wouldn't know that my timetable has already came out. lucky and unlucky in both ways. :) :(

goodnight. i want to stop feeling guilty and sleep earlier. hee.

burn fats, game & study

2008-10-25T11:18:00.004+08:00

i've lost 3 kg! omg! i have a long long way to go. hoho.

anyways. food & service exam coming up this tuesday right after Deepavali. bad timing. shoud have like shift IFS to tuesday then FOM on friday.

perfect world is pulling me away from study. :x
i have my limits and i can do it! :)

off to burn fats first. :) PW and study comes later. :x

blogging time again

2008-10-23T22:08:00.006+08:00

preparatory course is finishing soon. already finished the hospi side. left with the business side. finally.

my new alarm clock :) it specializes in scaring you up instead of waking you.

went to have my last dinner before my MAJOR diet.
yea i know i know. japanese village AGAIN. something new instead of gyoza and teriyaki chicken don :)

he was satisfied. :)
that was last sunday.

today is okay.
had accounting and finance from 9 am to 1 pm - 4 hours.
however, while on the way to school, we met Mr. T. Jam.
Silvy and i were caught in the jam like 3 times throughout the journey. not good...
we reached at 9.30am, half an hour late. BUT, we're like the SECOND to reach?
the others came at 9.45am - 10.30am.
the jam was really horrible. no matter what direction. i think everyone woke up late. -.-

accounting and finance was good. learn stuff that will not be tested in the exam. zzz. got cheated by Mr. Jabbar. His class is way cool. should take like last day pictures with him. see his super cute face.

then it was shopping at parkway with mummy and sister. bought a shirt and a jacket. didn't manage to buy the cardigan. not cool okay. i ~~wanted~~ NEEDED a cardigan. but nvm, the jacket's a good substitute ATM. oh ya, bought a water bottle too. cool water bottle.

i so need a bagpack. i am very very very tired and irritated with hand-carried bags. aiya. shoulder-carried bags. i prefer free hands. :D i want fanciful bagpack. hoho.

oh i forgot the main part of the day. i woke up at 4 am with my left leg cramped. i didn't sleep after that. was massaging and massaging and massaging. useless. i was limping the whole day. but it gets better in the aftrenoon. at least i can still go shopping.

did i tell you that i've finally tried on the stupid fake eyelashes?
i tell you not fun okay. but i still wanna put it on cos it's cool. haha. i like the word "cool". whatever. will try it again next time. i think i need one hour to just put it in place.

it's 11.00 am aleady. time to train my character. :) blog again when more pictures are available. :) i mean MORE. :) hehe.

going crazy soon

2008-10-14T00:16:00.002+08:00

im seriously lazy to go school.
and im lazy to do anything too.
shagged like pieces of shit.
i bejewelled my psp. -.-
daiso only selling $2.
wanna buy more so that i could bejewel more parts of my psp and make it super sexy. hoho.
pohley wasn't against it. was rather surprised.
it's one am already.
school starts at 10 am tmr and ends at 1 pm.
nothing to do after that.
and marketing is on wednesday. that sucks.
i really dislike marketing. really cant stop complaining about it. it's DISGUSTS me. -.-
OH YA. i forgot the main thing la!
i took out my extensions.
so cool. the plastic bag is like full of hair. and it really looks like there is a head in there. SPOOKY.
but so cool!
i drop ALOT of hair after the extracting of extensions.
i really mean ALOT.
I almost cried.
it's like it never stopped dropping. somehow after like multiple run throughs with my hands, there's no more hair dropping.
my hair is way thin now. trust me. i feel like a hair loss patient. T_T
anyways. the course is finishing soon. i have to hold on like mad.

SHAGGGGED.

K.O.

2008-09-27T00:16:00.002+08:00

totally knocked out. the whole week is all about school. i'm deprived off my sleep. usually i only need around 5 hours of sleep. i feel as if i need 48 hours of sleep.
marketing case studies are not friendly ok.

i'm so tired. so so tired.
pohley's busy during weekdays too. didn't get much time to talk to him. and i kinda think that smses are so cyber.

such stuff really squeezes my brain. i cant help thinking so much. i wished i was as blank as a piece of paper. i wished i could rub it all away. it's not going to happen. the brain actyally remembers everything. just that some unimportant ones are put aside.

i'm so drained. really. i could drop dead anytime. it is that serious. too overexhausted.

finally it's saturday

2008-09-20T22:20:00.003+08:00

hell with school. tired like shit.

Mirrors was GOOD. a little gore. but tolerable. :) I like the story line. :)

school is getting better

2008-09-17T20:10:00.002+08:00

thank god the lecturers are all better than expected. hoho. but the schedule is still very very packed and i'm crushed like a hamburger. i feel like patty now. -.- i can feel myself get kinda hardworking. cos it's like the lecturers are quite good and you kinda don't want to let them down. and another problem is i HAVE to get to Switzerland to study! i'll miss so many people. i'm gonna learn how to use skype. -.- HAHA. ya la ya la. i know i very outdated skype also dunno how to use. -.- anyways. gonna pass my preparatory course and get to the main course man! and ya. go switzerland. hoho. i guess stepping on the gold thing in paris did made me came back. and throwing the coin over your shoulder in italy into the trevi fountain did grant me my wish of coming back! so cool. actually not. i'll be back in europe not italy or paris. hoho. imagine i could go up the Jung Frau Mountain again during summer and winter. this is so cool. but i have to save a whole lot more. i'm slowly saving. hee. i have to get presents for everyone when i come back. :)

that's IF i could make it to SWITZERLAND. omg. i so wanna go there. i will really miss so many people. i wil miss him too. ahhh. no choice. i will come back a MORE INDEPENDENT person. teehee.

i'll get back to studying. ECONOMICS is my fav for the moment.
In Sequence,
1. Economics
2. Front Office Management
3. Accounting and Finance
4. Food and Service
5. Front Office Management
6. Marketing

i hate marketing. i didn't expect i'll have to do case study ever since in graduated from poly. sucks whole time though the lecturer is trying very hard to make it sound interesing. IT SO NOT. T_T anyways. can't make an exception. every module is very important to me to get to Switzerland. i will read he text book and study when i get home. so i'm going to study now. :)

study Econs. HEHE.

i miss pohley anyway. it's been so long since we last met. hmmm. he doesn't read my blog anyway. -.- i know weiyi does. -_-"

its time to update though no one reads :)

2008-09-15T19:06:00.002+08:00

friday, 12 September 2008
it was last day of work. very rushed. got stacked with a lot of last minute stuff. then i left at 6 plus. really not good. it was tiring. and i have to carry a tin of mooncakes which weighed about 3 kg i think. it was very heavy!

then we went to annette's friend's bbq party. ya i know i sounded extra. I AM LA. -.- then we went to watch babylon ad and we went home. it was quite a ice show. :)

saturday, 13 September 2008
went to meet qiqi and annette. then we went to see puggy. annette bumped the butt of the car. not so bad. can be fixed. :) and puggy sounded like an old man. with the cough like sounds. the way she ran to get her stupid bone is totally retarded. you should have seen. at one moment she did slide across the floor. -.-
then we went to ehub. to play boardgame. -.- scrabble and monopoly. annette and qiqi was like "if i give you my house and money for your exchange of the one railway then i bo hua you know" the bo hua word is very common. anyway, at one point, they're rather agressive. -.- not like me, i'm at peace -.-v haha.

sunday, 14 september 2008
went to my cousin's wedding. the bride is one big beauty ok. omg. she is like crazily pretty. the whole banquet is so formal. the dresses worn were "wow". and it was very touching when the bride sings to her love of her life. my cousin was like crying when his wife sang. she got a waygood voice. she's like the perfect girlfriend for my cousin. haha. they're sooooo blessed. man, her grandma is a little too pantang. nono. tooooo pantang. nvm. the older generation. hmmm.

monday, 15 septemeber 2008
shag. i tell you. just one word is enough to describe the whole day. it was 9 am to 5 pm today. i can tell you i almost died. my back is hurting like mad. and i was late for class for 45 mins. the traffic jam was bad. classes is damn it boring. i know it's just introductory, but 4 hours for one lesson is driving me crazy.
i'm shagged. :(

is really study the only thing people can think of? like if i'm doing other things, they would ask me to study. whole life study? i think it's retarded. i hate school, plus it's at clementi. fuck.

no choice. who ask me got no hope in studies. but have to perservere. 50k is not a small sum. and my friends are as excited as me to go switz. it's cool to go. but it's always hard to let go of some things. or rather some people. or should i say some guy.

sleepless nights

2008-09-11T21:08:00.002+08:00

i went to bed everyday with blood pumping in my head. i understand why a person cant cry too much. father used to say grandma went blind because she cried too much for grandpa when he passed away. i don't want to go blind. but i can't help crying. every night is like a torture. everything that associates with him rushed through my brain then drove at full speed towards my heart. not once, but serveral times throughout the night. it can last for 15 mins, it can last even 2 hours. It's really hard breathing under the blankets. but sharing a room with your sister, stupid crying sounds really will annoy her sleep.

never felt so terrible before. there is no one to cure me.

i woke up this morning. my eyes were swollen, dark colors start to form under the eyes. i feel my eyes sag. I was so tired.

when i smsed him, he told me not to talk to him. i really felt like jumping down the bus. it's was so hard to accept the way he was talking to me. it was unbearable. but i held back my tears. i forced a smile to the security gaurd who waves at me every morning. I really felt like kneeling down in the middle of the road and just cry, hoping some driver knock me down accidentally so that it's not his fault and i can end everything. 2 birds, one stone.

I'm still alive here blogging. lunch and dinner was not on my timetable today. my manager keeps pushing stuff to me, it's like my last day and she wants me to finish everything before i go. i styed up till 7 plus. no OT. she used the reason of celebrating the mooncake festival to make me work. i don't mind. i don't feel like going anywhere. i feel like staying in the office till the next day. i don't want to go anywhere. i want another home. i want a new life. but i cant find it. i can't have it. i'm so tired of everything, everyone. i wanted to be alone.

but my heart doesn't want to. it's still yearning for him.

what am i to do? i'm so exhausted. i'm so messed up.

it's time to make new friends

2008-09-10T20:42:00.005+08:00

school's starting next monday. hope it goes well. the first class is at 9 am. what a crap start for the day. i have to wake up at 6 and leave at 7 in case there's a traffic jam. hope not.

school's gonna be 9 am till 5 pm everyday. bless me lots ok. i'm like cursed now. just lost everything i had and then the upcoming things got even worse. hope someone lives around sk amk pr tp or near me then we can go home together. -.-

i'm gonna learn german. it's a must when i reach switz. better to be a little more "kiasu" then die later. anyway, it's cool learning languages. :)

it'a hard moving on. finally he said he hates me. :) cursed. it's barely possible to let him go. but the people around me including him is forcing me so bad, that i'm going crazy. i will eventually. NOT NOW. don't make me stressed till i die then you all happy.

"Fell in love with a dandelion and he's all I ever had, at first he looked so sweet, but in the end he taste so bad. he's a dandelion, up on a cliff above the sea, he's not exactly everything I thought that he might be. he's a dandelion, he looks like everything I need, I thought he was a flower, but I found out he's a weed. And I hold on, hold on, hold on."

serious breakdown

2008-09-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

I'm tired. I'm stressed. I lost everything.

interview interviews interviewss

2008-08-27T09:55:00.002+08:00

so annoying.
interviews raised to 24.

just sent in my timesheet. TEEHEE.
pay is so inevitable on 31 August.
it's time i treated pohley a good meal.
he has been taking care of me when i'm poor.
sometimes it's quite heart breaking to see him pay for me all the time.

AHH. i feel guilty. :(
and i still want to buy psp.
but if i really think far, i have to have a source of entertainment on the way to school.
fyi, it'll take me around 1.5 to 2 hours to go to school everyday from 15 sept ONWARDS.

i'll think i'll pass with the psp.

drained, exhausted, simpy just tired

2008-08-25T10:29:00.003+08:00

the stomach has been giving me problems these few weeks.
ever since i ate cereal with milk.
i think i added too much milk.
usually the amount of milk cannot exceed the amount of cereal.
anyway i liked it that way.
maybe i consumed too much milk.
i think i'm lactose intolerant or cow's milk intolerant.
but i can still eat cheese, so i guess i'm cow's milk intolerant.

i don't know why i felt so tired.
is it because of work. i guess so.
i've already worked for 2 months and 1 day.
and i've already finished my contract. T_T
but i'm still working!
i know i complained too much.
how am i going to survive working as a permanent employee in the future?
when i cant even DONG 2 months.
fyp is worse actually. 3 months + 1 month temp staff.
that was WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY long. T_T

i'll be studying soon. i need a break.
i was still requested to work till 12 sept?
then study how?
SHAG? they dunno what is SHAG AHHHH.
my colleague was like, "ni bu hui SHAG ah?"
then i say got no choice. the staffing colleague wants me to continue.

i need my one week rest.
i need to be MIA for one week.
otherwise, with the pace that i'm going now, it's really call "chiong".
i have to set my timetable and i'm going to be organised.

but the big big prob is, i don't even have my class timetable.
sucks. SIM is crap. ask me to start in mid sept?
WHAT DATE HUH?
WHATTTT DATEE?
mid sept is what? 30 days divide by 2 = 15 sept HUH?
and coincidentally, 15 sept is a MONDAY. but i'm so ill-informed.

blogging at work is lame. i have to tend the interview at 3.45 pm. which is 4 hours later.
this week is the worst week in the 2 months stay.
i have 21 interviews to tend and MORE to schedule.
i'm dead.
i still need that break.
take me away from SINGAPORE please.
Singapore is so BORING.

sudden urge to eat just pure salmon sushi and chawanmushi. -.-
but pohley is so going against it. T_T
i drew it out on paint but i cant upload it at work.
sucks they blocked picture stuff.
it's my dream sushu set. OH GOSH YUMMM.

going to get busy any moment.
will be meeting annette later at suntec.
i'm glad i have my mp3. -.-
i want to buy a psp. but it's actually not very practical.
however, if i dont buy now, the future batch cannot be modified.
i really really wish for a psp metallic color. *shut my eyes and wish hard*
nothing pops up. :'(

up and downs

2008-08-24T21:19:00.002+08:00

went to pohley's house in the rain.
seemed like he didn't appreciate my arrival.
woke him from the window, threw the tissue box at him.
expecting him to open the door for me.
in the end his mother opened.
not that i'm petty or what.
maybe i'm just not very in his heart.
or like always, he's just tired.
but that is not a very good excuse.
i seriously feel like a toy.
i know this sentence would directly aim the bullet at him.
i just feel like hiding myself from everything including him.
locking myself up in my room for a few days.
i could give him a break. and i could just test my mental stability.
i could cry, i could inflict, i could go crazy inside and he will never know.
i wont go crazy. i could think crazy. maybe after a few days of nonsense and madness, i would finaly realise that what i do is actually of no use.
becuase he doesn't know of my situation. he doesn't know how i feel at all.
he kept telling me i have my family. but he will never know what i'm missing in my life and in my heart. him.
he will never understand that there are alot of things that even the closest family couldn't give. his love.

i've thought of a separation with pohley.
it's easy to sms him and say, "hey, i think let's have a break. let's separate for a while and stop seeing each other fot the time being."
and he replies, "ok. sorry i hurt you."
that reply is the reply that you will never ever want to hear.
and that reply is the most hurtful reply that you'll ever hear.
it's not about the separation that hurts you.
it's the reply that he gave you.
it's the reply that he gave you which makes you feel so unimportant to him.
that makes you wonder why could he reply so casually so calmly.
why didn't he ask why, why didn't he care to ask what's wrong.
why wont he stop you from going on with the separation?
it's very very hurtful, and it's true that pohley could give me the happiest time of my life as well as the saddest time.
he just simply turn my world upside down and back upright again.

i won't disapprove a separtion you though my heart does.
but if a timeout is what you really need.
i could try real hard to take it easy and not go crazy.
i will try real hard.

i regret alot of things. and i'll never do the things i regret ever again.
but it looks like revenge or retribution. i don't believe in retribution, but i do see revenge. however, pohley isn't the revenge type.
somehow, whatever that is happening to me now, has happened to him in the past.
I don't know. i think i may not be a good gf.
but i did try my best.

and it's very true that physical pain is nothing compared to the pain that unseen love cause.

hope pohley understands what i'm going through now.
I don't want him to crush me like paper and regret what he did.
i don't want anyone to regret.

went to science center today.
not much stuff. we went in at 4 pm.
2 hours is actually not enough.
and pohley was rather restless.
took a few pictures though.
pohley was reluctant, but at least he gave in.
he tried. :)
and he do look good anyway. hoho.

anyway will post up the pics later. i'm tired.

custom bbq

2008-08-17T01:45:00.002+08:00

i have no words. just pictures. it's a really fun day. hoho. or should i say fun night. :)

me and pohley met up with annette, qiqi and jeffery for a small custom bbq. hehe. and we saw qiqi's new DOG. it's a pug. puggy's its name.

cool day. we should have these outings more often do you think so. after all, we're three friends of 8 years. + the bfs. -.-

annette and qiqi are cool. so is pohley and jeffrey. they can be so super insensitve. ~_~

hair extensions x 200

2008-08-12T10:30:00.003+08:00

for the first time in my whole tiny life, i had hair extensions.

I had like 200 strands on my head now. and yea. like annette said, we can feel the weight man. btw, annette did hair extensions too. she had 180 strands. haha. NOT CHEAP OK. man. people burned their pockets, we actually bombed ours.

for the first time in my whole life, i slept with my fake fair.

It was a little bumpy. those with hard pillows. change to a softer one.

for the first time in my whole life, i washed my fake hair. HAHA.

IT WAS HARD WORK! PHEW AH! i was like. waahhhh. soap all the way down. -.- and i have to wash very gently.

The drying part was very quick. didn't know why. O.o

and finally for the first time in my whole life, i went to work with hair extensions! haha.

man. hair extensions are really hard to maintain. T_T

but it's kinda nice. hehe.

hmmm. shall upload pictures when i have them. i haven't take a photo with my hair extensions for the first time in my whole life. HEE.

today is bored. both my managers are not in the office.
I'm all alone. not only that, i'm trapped outside the office for like half an hour. -.-
I was so bored that i strated cutting split ends. by the way, the hair on my head are real. becuase their not my hair, so i called it fake hair. but it's real. -.-

nvm. human hair.

got damn alot of split ends ok i tell you. i was happily snipping off little bunches of split ends and triple ends. It's cool.

oh ya. it cost freaking 300 dollars ok.
i'm damn broke now. no no, i'm breaking now.

come on! who wants to treat me lunch + dinner + lunch again + dinner + everyday lunch and dinner?
*eyes aiming pohley*

NO. i will be responsible for my own actions. PAY MYSELF.

i'll continue the snipping again. blog later. :)

your promise

2008-08-09T20:29:00.004+08:00

you promised me everything on National Day 2008.
Don't forget what you promised.
Because i will never forget. :)
It's like carved on my brain.

Happy National Day everyone.

I hate ____days

2008-08-05T01:01:00.003+08:00

i hate mondays and tuesdays and wednesdays.
they always seemed so damn long.
i have to wake up at like 6 am.
and it's one now.

i need REST.
i hate work and i really do not like running around in my shoes with my last toe nail gone.
cant imagine i still managed to walk to my company which is like 10 mins walk.
if it's not for the plaster, i would be literally CRAWLING to work.

everybody will like siam me cos it's 7th month.

so shitty. hate work.
pathetic pay.

wanted to ask me continue working, they said, "earn more pocket money".
wth?
nvm. for my future, i will chargeeeeeee.

goodnight.

Everyone needs understanding

2008-07-30T13:06:00.002+08:00

Is your relationship healthy?

Mutual respect
Does he or she get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you're acting like someone you're not!) The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.

Trust
You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.

Honesty
This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.

Support
It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.

Fairness/equality
You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.

Japanese Village

2008-07-23T20:58:00.006+08:00

22.07.2008, Tuesday

Treated annette her birthday dinner at Japanese Village(Ri Ben Chun). haha. -.-

picture taken down* annette doesn't like it very much. :(

Finally! the birthday girl. hehe.

The food there is really not bad, but it's a little overpriced. hee. after that we chilled at streets hk cafe with bao. annette then treated us back with this.

it's really nice too. yum.
That day was crazy! lots of food man!

23.07.2008, Wednesday

nothing much to do at work. it was raining early in the morning. my shoes were totally wet. and i walked bare footed from my room to the copier machine. HOHO. that was during lunch time. -.- just a short distance. hehe. and no people at all. hehe.

ok. gonna watch beach.ball.babes le. TAA.

lonely lunchtime with nobody

2008-07-22T12:01:00.003+08:00

i'm having lunch all by myself. SO LONELY. aiyo. T_T
called pohley, he's busy. my lunch is butter raisin cake. yummy.
manager thought it was too little so she decided to dabao more food for me. -.-

hmm. lunch time is good blogging time.
i get to do whatever i want.
i get to put my smelly feet on the CPU and no one cares. HOHO. -.-
and the same time i get to think about certain life issues. haha.

talked about starting a savings account with pohley. but the topic always, always, always gets out of hand and landed everyone in a pissed off mood. no, not everyone, i was feeling irritated, not pissed off. but i kept my cool. i'm also always always always the one who started the topic anyways.

just thinking why does he not understand what am i trying to picture.
money really injures the relationship (shang gan qing). -.-
maybe he's also thinking about why do i not understand him too.

it's okay anyways.
i'll start saving on my own first.
i just feel that saving together gives much more motivation. to me.
that's what i want him to understand.
but he keeps brushing it away.

i hate my low pay.
makes me feel even poorer than when i have no pay at all.
i don't know why.
maybe becausethe logic is there.
i dont do anything, i dont get pay.
i do everything, i get good pay.
but this is not the situation. it's not good pay here, maybe for my qualification.

but like i said to him many times, i'm just a temp staff.
i don't earn much. but i earn experience.

it's just like gaming. very very logical.
you earn the experience, you grind, then you earn the money.
the higher level you are, the higher leveled mob you kill drops more money, you earn.

work or kill mobs, i rather kill mobs.
just that everything will be much more scarier and frightening in real life than being in front of your computer screen.
die nvm la. teleport back to town only.

in real life, you die, you cannot even talk after death like in games.
"shit la, that mob crit me."
or
"brb, i teleport back to orchard road."
or if you ever really even teleported back to orchard road,
"walao! woodlands very far leh. i wish i got mount! but i lvl 18 only have to run, mount need lvl 30. T_T"

Gamers so understand this dialog.

i'm eating my raisin butter cake alone.
and i think i feel weird.
like something is coming. haha.
definitely not shit if you want to know.

damn, i need my pay.
finishing my cake.
my pay comes on the 31st. too long!
i was supposed to hand up my timesheet on the 12th so that i could get my pay at around the 16th.
but i FORGOT. zzz.

the cake tastes weird.
i need water man. i forgot to bring my red sexy water bottle. :(

31st july, here i come!

meeting annette in the night for dinner. :D
qiqi's coming back to singapore today i think.
but she wont be joining us.
next time. :)

when can i get my bag!
it had already arrived like so long.
but i have to go to woodlands. :(

nvm. shall collect it on saturday on my way to pohley's house. :)
i'm feeling not very right now.
something big is really coming.

it's freezing now. the aircon's a little sot.
i think i'll stop here. :)

blog when i have pictures. my blog looks dead.

happy day

2008-07-20T00:37:00.002+08:00

went out with pohley to watch dark knight. not bad yea. kinda cool. haha. and then we went to lot 1 to shop and he ate wan zai hk cafe. which sucks like mad.

kinda pissed me off, so i skipped dinner.

pohley regretted eating it. I TOLD YOU SO.

yea. didn't get to take any pictures. T_T

will try. :D

i love pohley alot. eversince then, he's like the best bf in the world. haha.

work tmr again. GOODNIGHT.

pohley loves

2008-07-19T04:31:00.000+08:00

TODAY IS ANNETTE CHOO MEOW LING'S BIRTHDAY.
she is finally TWENTY. 2-0

Happy 20th Birthday Annette. :D

i went to meet pohley in the afternoon.
we went shopping at Lot 1.

pohley bought a new pair of shoes for me! really comfortable and really pretty! hoho! i don't have to like bite the shoe. -.-
it's the picture on my blogskin atm. haha.

and then we went to cotton on. they're like selling the clothes at 10 dollars or less. omg! hee. i pohley bought me a cardigan for like 10 dollars only. -.- HOHO!
then we slacked at his house and then we headed down to downtown east ehub.

damn traffic jam. pohley's mouth also cannot stop talking.

i didn't get to watch dark knight and i didn't get to eat that cheap japenese food.
had hong kong cafe instead.
but it was good. :)

then pohley sent me home.
and then i made this. :D

time to sleep. wanna spend the whole day tmr with pohley. :)
oh, and catch that stupid dark knight.
the joker's dead in real life you know? he commited suicide. he starred in brokeback mountain too. hmmm. zhang guo rong also commited suicide. is that a little gay related?

rubbish. -.-
goodnight all.

money money

2008-07-18T00:03:00.002+08:00

NO MONEY. NO SHOPPING. NO STUFF.

ARGH. I hate being moneyless.

My pay comes in August. zzz. HOWWW TO LIVE?

got like half a month more. zz. saturday sunday STAY AT HOME? :(

I want to watch batman T_T err. dark knight. -.-

go watch the strangers. the sudden scare is there. but the story........ (crow flies past)

i liked the masks. nice.

12 ALREADY. TMR GOT INTERVIEW AT 8.30AM.

crazy interview. tmr will have only like one interview to attend then i'll rot the whole day through. T_T HOW?

why life like that ah?

not-so-bad weekend

2008-07-13T23:20:00.002+08:00

watched hellboy II today.

I liked it. hehe. i reckon a third episode. which i cant wait if there is.
cos the ending was like.. er. i'll be such a spoiler. cant tell. hoho.
i like selma blair. she got really pretty eyes.
and i like that fishman, Abe Sapien. hoho.

Thanks Pohley for getting me a flowery tube. :D

arghh. tmr's work again. monday sucks the most man. 5 days of work is too much. zzz. i rather be housewife if possible. -.-

I bruise easily

2008-07-12T17:42:00.002+08:00

i miss this song.

I Bruise Easily

My skin is like a map, of where my heart has been
And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing
So I let down my guard, drop my defences, down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily

I've found your finger prints on a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them all over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith I'll never know
So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily

Anyone who, can touch you, can hurt you, or heal you
Anyone who, can reach you, can love you, or leave you

So be gentle
So be gentle

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily,

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily

I bruise easily
I bruise easily

will blog when i have time.

bloody ass

2008-07-11T08:43:00.004+08:00

i scheduled an interview where THE interviewer hasn't got anything on, this is what he did:

- declined without sending response until i FOUND IT OUT MYSELF.
- after that he placed every slot that i had scheduled earlier as TENTATIVE.
- so is he coming or not, i don't know.

IF I HADN'T FOUND OUT THAT HE DECLINED, i'm so dead.

and this bloody ass, he did it THREE(3) BLOOOOODY TIMES.

pissed me off like a train. zzz.
i've always knew he disliked me. -.-
SEE HIS BLOODY FACE ALSO KNOW.
stupid lj face.

early in the morning feel like going to his desk and slap him but i don't know where he is seated. -.- maybe he doesn't even have a desk. HAHA. zzz. roaming around. zzz.

aiyo so asshole. stupid guy.

after work is what i'm waiting for. HOHO.
it's my cousin's birthday! (tomorrow, celebrating today)

Happy 16th Birthday super bimbotic WEIHUI!

manager's back! BRB if possible. -.-

i'm back. mmmahaha. it's after lunch and i still cant get through that lj person's line.

manager treated SUSHI for lunch. damn full. the price of accepting her treat is a walk through baby world. toys, baby clothes and kiddy palace. -.-

now, i HAVE TO get through LJ's line. but with my super perserverance, my attempts are futile. SO LJ. zzz. I tried to get to his boss.

ZZZZ. LIKE BOSS LIKE WORKER. i understand their job, requires them to enter the clean room. BUT, i already sent an email this MORNING. at least about lunch time or right after lunch time can reply WHAT. nvm. dont wanna say about it. *roll and blink eyes*

pohley's dead. cant get through his line too. zzz.

i think the phone hates me.
i think the phone hates me..
i think the phone hates me...
i think the phone hates me....

processing... please wait...

yes mdm, the phone hates you.

BORED. NOW ONLY 2.33 PM. walao. zzz.
nvm. 3.00 pm got interview need to tend. :D

i blog till here. have to solve the LJ problem.

shopping

2008-07-06T21:39:00.002+08:00

dear pohley woke up at 3 am plus today i think for some shipment thing at 4am till 12 plus. so tiring la. he came to fetch me after that. drove home and he slept all the way to 3 plus. i was playing this COOL game. haha. Sara's Super Salon. -.-

it was fun ok. -.-

preview of it. hehe. first day only. will blog on when i finished the game. hehe.

this is the link, [click]. teehee.

then we drove to far east to look for his shoes, his tops and bottoms.
and we walked to tangs, then wisma, then taka, then back to far east.
we brought thailand durians home too. we're lucky we're driving. by the way there's no fine for bringing durians onboard public transport. haha.

then dear pohley sent me home and bade goodbye.
today is tiring for him. his work is horrible. -.-
and the durians are nice. :)

heart to heart talk

2008-07-05T12:33:00.002+08:00

yesterday was my popo's 71st birthday. she's still very healthy and happy and VERY energetic to anyhow scold people. -.- haha.

then popo, my mother, grace ahyi and lillian ahyi and me sat down and watched tv. then we started to talk about certain relationship stuff of my generation, the 3rd.

and it's all about decisions decisions and still decisions.

the males really think totally different from the females.

why do i see so much resemblance in guys in breaking up relationships.
and the girls suffer the most. and guys would just think that girls should just let it go. from what i see, it's true. the girls JUST cant let it go.

if i dare say, no i DARE say, most girls uncontrollably puts 101% into their relationship. i meant uncontrollably 101%.

sometimes guys just take it too easy.

aiya whatever. :)

i don't know whats happening really in everyone's life including my own.
i really just want to walk a step and pass a day and be happy with anyone in my life. who doesn't want to be happy right? why make yourself miserable.

take a deep breath and cry it all out. it'll be okay. i tried it. hmm. maybe i went a little too overboard till my eyes were smaller than usual and my head went pumping.

CHILL GIRLS. when you deserve better, you will deserve better. :)
just be happy with whatever you have around you. :)

i'm not sad ok. -.- i'm just blogging. in fact i am happy now. :)

what i did today

2008-07-04T17:43:00.002+08:00

i was using magnets to attract paper clips.
and then i ate my sweets.
and finally there filing work. but i finished it in like leass than 10 mins.
zzz.
TODAY IS BORING MAN.

i know i complained when there is alot of work to do. but at least a standard amount LAH.

i whole day rot and play sudoku. zzz.
and then i printed application forms and fold them into half. -.-

by the way, PLEASE HELP ME.

I HAVE A JOB OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU ALL.

TEMP ACCOUNT ASSISTANT (3 MONTHS)
those who doesn't want to work too long.
IF you got the job, you will be referred through agent. (Recruit Express etc.)
the pay is really NOT BAD ok. more than me. T_T
best if you had accounting background or elective.
just say what you've learnt and show interest can already.
the interviewer will be the finance director. nice woman.
this is an URGENT position.

They will really consider ANYONE who SHOWS INTEREST and has a little ACCOUNTING background.

If you are interested, call Emily at 81826601 or you can send me your resume.

:) it's time to go home le. TATA.

yea. take me away

2008-07-04T00:33:00.002+08:00

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.
I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.

pocket full of sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield.

p.s.
thank you pohley for all the stuff you bought. really really appreciate it alot. hugs.

two weeks of slavery

2008-07-03T15:11:00.003+08:00

ALLO.

zz. it's like finally two weeks of slavery and i'm BLOGGING at WORK. MMMHAHAHA.
how bad am i. -.-
i finished alot of work okay. :(
so much to do.
it just keeps piling up like shit. -.-

me and my manager were talking about excel sheets.
i went like this sheet that sheet. the whole conversation, every sentence contains sheet. when i said it too many times. i damn it feel uncomfortable myself. -.-

IT'S MY 8TH DAY AT WORK LE.

i feel fine, just a little lack of sleep although i sleep at a range of 7pm - 1am.

gosshhhh. i really wish i can like scan my action plan for all of you to see. but it CONFIDENTIAL. i dont wanna get sued.

OOPS. THE MANAGER IS BACK.

BYE.

work really sucks

2008-07-03T01:06:00.002+08:00

for the first time in 2 weeks, i'm sleeping at 1 am.
i am so going to die tmr.
i won't be surprised if i fell asleep while eating lunch. zz.

I AM GOING TO SLEEP NOW.
GOODNIGHT ALL.

Pohley secretly bought me a pair of checkered shoes. thanks alot. hope it looks good on me. -.- or rather i look good on the shoes. -.-

HUGS & KISSES.

work and games

2008-06-23T23:30:00.003+08:00

i resorted to games after all.
it's rather tiring.
work is going to be stressful tmr.
perfect world is the best game i guess.
i have no other options.

wanna play with me?
[click here]

i haven't created my character yet. will update when i've done so. :)
in the mean time, have fun yea.

hmm, will be meeting annette on wed and fri.
that's cool.
i think i get some pics with her. :D
it's been so long since we took pictures.
especially neoprints. -.-
that is very very secondary school.
it concerns 10 1-dollar coins, which is 10 freaking dollars.
it's requires reconsidering whether you want to go ahead and take the picture with the machine.
our answer was no.
it's freaking expensive.
maybe when on occasions. e.g. when qiqi's around, that's when it looked a little more complete.

qiqi. i like the joseph story. :D
i'll work like a slave, maybe i'll get some benefits. -.-
this is so wrong. -.-

whatever. perfect world yea. hugs all.

work is so tuesday

2008-06-23T03:02:00.001+08:00

i will never have enough time to not work.
working really sucks. but the money does not.
so to get money, work is the only way.
what if i got sacked because i do not know how to apply workers' pass?
that will be so sad la.
but at the same time, maybe i can find another job which demands lesser.
i think this current job of $6.50 per hour with such demanding job scope is rather cheapskate.
but whatever, i'm gonna sign that contract tmr.
which i'm still actually considering whether i want it a not.
however, that it not an option.
because if i back out after i sound so eagerly interested in that position during the interview, i think i will get very blacklisted.
then no company would want to hire me anymore.
which means, money will never come to me ever again.
suck suckety suck suck suck.
i hate to work. Come on people, spell "hate" with me.
H-A-T-E
very good. everyone knows this word. and it the easiest thing to do.
i dont really want to be a permanent worker at that company if i'm going to work like a slave throughout my life till i retire and die.
to be born is a punishment or a blessing?
born, grow, eat, slp, work, wait die.
might as well dont come to this world in the first place.
just like what that bee said in bee movie, "you're gonna work for the rest of your life!"
I bet that is so damn it true. the only thing that is not true is, i'm not a bee.

i won't lie to myself

2008-06-20T23:54:00.002+08:00

i really need him so much and i miss everything about him.

it hurts thinking that i'm not his anymore.

what i've changed into

2008-06-19T17:33:00.004+08:00

hugs you tightly from behind and never let go no matter how many "punches" you gave me - this is what kept me going.

just for him, my heart exchanged great amounts of unwillingness, revenge and hatred to great amounts of:
love
to always remind him that there is always someone that loves him so deeply and he will never be cast aside.
patience
to always be tolerant in whatever wrongs he did.
energy
to keep picking myself up even though i get slammed to the ground time and again.
hope
that will be placed on him even if he himself loses it, there will always be one more.
tears
to always be shed for him and never get dry.
power
to heal my heart everytime he stabs it.
calmness
to control my temper and never blow my top.

see the amount of things love can be. it may be hard to maintain, but the conscience and the hearts of two people will always know how to love. just that maybe some should just actually sit down quietly and listen to their hearts.

I'm not trying to be some love guru. but this is my blog and i say what that is applied to me. it may not be the same for some of you but who reads my blog anyway. -.-

I may have lost him physically, but my heart still keeps him with no thought of replacing him.

boy, damn, i still do love you so much.

putting his picture up here and saying all these love thing makes me feel like he had already RIP. -.-

nah, he's healthy and kicking and still very loved by me. :)

ONLY PEOPLE WHO CARE READS MY BLOG. that's one thing i realise. hmm. maybe. whatever.

he don't seem to be very concerned that..

2008-06-19T17:00:00.002+08:00

I GOT A JOB

finally... now my destiny can begin....

HA. -.- fergie - finally.

italic words = you
normal words = me

working as?
HR Assistant. :D

oh? pay how much?
$6.50 per hour. i'm a temp. Actually quite little but i'm ok. at least got HR experience. the agent said, "I LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE!"
i don't leh. i rather you say, "you sure?"

i see? what do you have to do?
ALOT. let me list out one by one for you.
♥ go MOM and apply working pass
♥ ALOT of filing
♥ CUM a bit secretary
♥ coordinate and schedule interviews
♥ ALOT of admin work e.g. photocopying, recording, data entry, etc
♥ ALOT of microsoft excel
i know it's a little not worth. but what's done is done. :(
just see me after 2 or 3 months ok? i will treat it like attachment. is BO BIAN choice and LOW pay. hoho.

ok. where is it?
pasir ris. one bus 88 and walk 10 mins. exercise man. industrial park again. French company again. i have "yuan" with french company OKAY! but thales more inaccessible. oh ya. company name is SOITEC.

good luck
THANK YOU.

hell begins on monday or tuesday. the call from hell will be received tomorrow.

GOD BLESS ME OKAY?

i wished it was more than normal

2008-06-18T20:53:00.002+08:00

I still dislike my hair. even bao said that i look retarded.
"pin it up pin it up!" he siad.
"i have to use hairspray la walao. zzz" i replied.
no choice. LL. continues to drive along the expressway.

last week was okay.
i went bonding with my relatives with for TWO days. it was GOOD. :D
Will post up the pictures when i FEEL LIKE. hoho.

After that it was job hunting. totally sucks.

Frankly speaking, i hate to work for people. aiya, i mean who doesn't hate to work for people.

I need good money. any good jobs?

bad day

2008-06-05T00:45:00.002+08:00

I HAVE NO BF LE. :)

i had a bad day today. actually it's three days ago. the stupid mofo hair cutter made me look like a retard. i wished i could shave her hair now. no pictures.

i complained to the BF and he said i'm such a bad impression to him. I MAY HAVE COMPLAINED ALOT OF TIMES BUT WHAT IF IT WAS YOU WITH THE FKING HAIR.

thanks for the demoralisation. THANKS.

and hope you have a great time at your KARAOKE SESSION.

IGNORANCE IS BLISS. have FUN.

fking pissed. fk the hair.

graduation day! OMGG!

2008-05-24T01:25:00.000+08:00

and yea. i graduated.

it sucks. seriously, i rather have exams then work. but whatever. IM OUT.

it's time to find a jobbbb.

here are the pictures!

it's the last time we all sit in that comfy lecture hall. sad.

annette and me. :)

again. hoho. i have little pics, so don't blame me on the repetition. -.-

jeffrey, mk, jon yyq and me.

yyq and me.

yyq and mother. teehee.

yea. after that we had naked fish for lunch. and then we went home. how boring. -.-

12-hour flight to our destination: EUROPE

2008-05-22T01:19:00.028+08:00

i became not lazy, so i decided to blog the europe stuff instead of relying on annette. what a good friend. -.-

all pictures here are taken by me or annette or the tour guide. :)

rome, italy

it's way huge. how do i describe? huge? magnificent? i think you will just go "WOW".

st peter's basilica. very very big church. the insides of it. speechless.

look at the ceiling. ahh~

cute girl.

there was one of this fountains on each side of the church. pretty.

after that we went to see the biggest fountain. the trevi fountain.

this horse has ear muffs! look way cute.

throw one coin to come back to this place.
two coins for marriage.
three coins for divorce.
a little weird huh. hoho. we threw one and made a wish just in case.

just beside the trevi fountain, there ts this trevi cafe which sells ice cream. delicious ice cream. oh ya. i am officially allergic to milk. go into detail? i vomit and i LAO SAI. gross right, everything came out from both sides of the digestive system. whatever.

annette's ice cream.

some "ristorante cinese", where the food is not very edible, but we tried.

the blood orange. the people in the tour were like, "eee, spoil is it? can eat a not." that makes me a little irritated. by the way they made us eat oranges for dessert every meal. and every meal is chinese. really sucks. or i should say, every free meal included in the tour is chinese food.

this is the first hotel we stayed and i'd say it has the biggest room. the four points sheraton. :)

looks creepy, but i'd tell you, it's very comfortable! should like tell you about the first hotel we stayed. annette and i were like making sure that we have to knock the room door before entering. haha. we did it everytime. once we forgot and we closed the door again, knocked and entered. -.- what lameness.

3. orvieto, italy

we sat the tram up to orvieto.

this is the orvieto cathedral. i found out that there are many many huge churches in italy. love the architect.

some random sign. teehee.

they sell alot of ceramic there.

way down the little tram. bye bye orvieto! hmm. or should i say see you next time. isn't it better?

3. pisa, italy

the piazza del miracoli or square of miracles.

if i had taken this picture any lower, you could see alot alot alot of people doing retarded poses to this tower.

no doubt! i AM one of these people, must follow the trend. hoho. that man in the background, he's also one of THE people. hehe.

and so is annette choo meow ling. :) she seemed very attached to this pisa wonder. hehe.

florence, italy

we had dinner at florence. the bread looks good, but i tell you, it will BREAK all your teeth, and it's really tasteless. i mean, bread has that taste right. whatever. -.-

here comes the appetiser. the soup. pumpkin i think. not bad but very sandy.

then comes the spaghetti! YUM! it's the best tasting spaghetti i have ever tasted. i don't know why. it has this herb taste. WOW. 5 stars! looks plain though. they have to buck up on the appearance. hehe.

i didn't know there were so many courses in this dinner. here came mighty lasagna. it tastes kinda floury. not very appetising. but the fill was good. i was like 3/4 full already.

TADA. here comes the so-called famous florence steak. it was errr. not very nice. haha. meat was 30%, T-bone 60%, fats 10%. -.-

venice, italy

we took the speedboat to venice. cool cool speedboat with cool curly-haired driver.

random picture on the speedboat with annette! did a little photoshopping. hoho. not much change actually. -.-

i have to tell you about these pigeons, they are way irritating than i thought before i got there. and the seagulls were very pretty however, their shit/dropping IS NOT. i swear i could have slapped that stupid pigeon out of consciousness when flew righ past my face. and there are soo many pigeons that i think annette stepped on one of its tail and that makes her rather happy. yes man?

The bridge of sighs. where prisoners have their last view of the outside world as well as a flashback of their crimes before they were sent to prison.

this "sampan" for 7 people, including the boatman, is a very essential transport in venice, the city of water/bridges. we sat the gondola and went around some places of venice. it was very very shaky and we almost thought it was going to collaspe. *squeals!*

a deco of the gondola, the bronze seahorse.

took this at some random alley in venice. we're trying very hard to act like we're videoing some MTV. but i guess those MTV people seldom do the peace sign. -.-

annette looks way more like it. haha.

Oo! some random horse. maybe there's a significance for it. but i forgot or the tour guide didn't even said anything about it. -.-

they were selling these ALL around venice, 5 steps and a shop. you know what i mean. it IS that common.

still more! pretty and perfect looking! bought one for my sister. expensive!

then it's tata venice!

4. verona, northern italy

romeo and juliet. this is where the statue of juliet stands. didn't know why there is no romeo.

they have the balcony where juliet once stood and romeo was below. i thought it was some high tower, didn't know it's just one floor up. -.-

along the way to the statue was this wall of grafitti. looks cool.

this is the smaller colloseum in villa capuleti, verona. looks exactly the same, but much smaller.

innsbruck, western austria

went to innsbruck, austria to view the swarovski crystal gallery.

the swarovski gallery, a little lame looking on the outside, totally a girl's love inside. i almost went crazy looking at the amount of crystals.

this horse is the most prettiest and gorgeous thing i have every seen. okay. it's not the horse. it's the saddle. -.-

a close up of THE horse SADDLE. teehee.

the melting clock, very famous, that's what the woman said. -.-

yes this is the crystal wall. it stretches from one end to another. way too cool to take a picture of the whole wall down.

close up! shattered crystals i think. hmmm.

this lighter cover is speechless. crystal smokers. -.-

didn't really take alot of pictures inside the gallery. i did the videoing. but it's lagging like mad now. don't think i will be uploading it up. SORRY. teehee.

they do have very pretty flowers outside though!

and they have a really really big carpark. -.- erm. nono. buspark?

the little golden roof. it WAS made of gold at first but as time passes, people scrap the gold off in the olden days. now it's just a bronze roof. -.-

random picture with the fountain. -.-

chinese food again. very obvious.

this is jinelle lim xin xuan. i think. -.- you can say she's a little bit spoilt, a little bit temperamental but the way she talk. cute. the way she cries. MANN.

it's the first time we stayed in a cottage like hotel. VERY COOL. very cute. i feel like those people in the olden days.

this chair. CUTE!

the beds and the layout. CUTE! ahhh!

cho emi. -.- what the hell? we were like laughing. by the way, they have this channel called pay tv. i accidentally clicked and BOOM. hardcore i tell you. almost fainted.

room card!

fussen, germany

some random stop we stopped at. played with the stuff.

the castle was WOW. it's name was very very long. the neuschwanstein castle. :)

i think this is where the normal people stay? cos the castle's up in the mountains. -.-

the map was cute and woody. :)

this is the castle. hehe.

this is the bridge where we stood where we can see the full view of the castle. the marienbrucke bridge.

walking up is boring so we did this again. -.-

saw this cute little dog. awwww.

we have to walk all the way up to the castle. so there are these signs all around. it was tiring! veryyy! but i'll tell you that going down is much worse, because the tour guide lead us the way where the horses walk! and there's alot of urine and faeces. omg! smelly too.

this is a sneak shot. i wasn't supposed to take pictures. teehee.

sleepy horses. the weather was very very hot.

after that we had lunch at some cottage type of restaurant. was bloated!

this is the chicken chop. we were so hungry so i forgot to take the other courses of the meal. i think it was spaghetti before this. hmmm.

lucerne, switzerland

room service!

a hotel in switzerland. the room is cute!

the toilet!

dinner was absolutely d-e-l-i-cious. this is the soup. forgot what soup was it, but annette and i were like slurp gobble swallow. -.-

fishhh. first one in 5 days.

apple crumble. superb dessert!

cute huh.

after that we went for some night seeing. didn't take any pictures because my cam really sucks in the night. i relied on annette. teehee. but it doesn't matter cos we're coming back to the same place in the morning. :) the following night pictures were taken by annette.

swan at night.

pretty night view. hope my cam can like be good in the night. -.-

the bridge roof.

in the hotel lobby.

next day, breakfast was not bad. rather plain. annette had eggs everyday. -.-

the lion monument. it looked like it's dead.

close up!

me, annette and lion monument.

look! it looked way lot better in the morning. that bridge is called the 14th-century wooden chapel bridge. there are ALOT of spiders. ALOT. and swans too, and mandarin ducks. it's the first time i saw a mandarin duck. hehe.

pretty swan. looks like it's meant for me to take it so artistically. HAHA.

we went up mount titlis! you should have seen the amount of snow. omg. and it's very very cold.

SINGAPORE! we had to sit the cable car up to the mountain before sitting the rotating one to the peak.

the ear pressure was irritating.

we had lunch there. good food. really good food. hehe. soup is okay. a little tasteless. -.- had to add alot alot of pepper. hehe.

chicken chop again. haha. -.-

after lunch we went to play with the snow. we made a snow man. hehe. very cute. my butt went numb sitting on the snow.

and then we went down the mountain. the going down part is cool. certain times you'll feel the roller coaster thrill. haha.

then we went to have the swiss fondue. there is cheese fondue, meat fondue and chocolate + ice cream fondue. cool. the cheese fondue is inedible for me. too bitter and cheesy.

ate the bread with the cheese. like always, the bread is stone. -.-

forgot to take the other fondues. HA. were happily eating. -.-

interlaken, switzerland

next morning! it's time we head up to mount jungfrauyoch! it was taller than the previous mountain we went. and much much colder. i almost died freezing.

we had to sit a train up first. it was messy and we had to like cross the railway tracks and stuff.

trains.

took this on the way up. i love these type of houses.

group picture! ON THE MOVE. annette love this phrase.

appetiser.

HUGE sausage.

this dessert contains wine. damn bitter!

HAHA. too cold outside? we have the inside version. -.- it's just a picture.

icicles! didn't expect to see these. coooool.

this picture onwards, the mountains are all real. teehee.

inside there's this ice cave. -.- we went in. i almost slipped and died.

TOP OF EUROPE! we made it! i know it's by train and stuff. but still made it OKAY.

the wind is very very strong.

i like the cows there. took one on the way down the mountain. they're not like the sg zoo ones. they look so much cleaner and brown. -.- haha.

after that was free time. we went shopping. but there's like nothing and the shops closes like in 1++++ hours.

ugly one, looks bald and has a super short neck.

this looks much much better.

our hotel room in switzerland sucks suckc sucks! and we have to stay two days! T_T

random house.

this is the lift we sat. i know it an experience. we have to open the door by ourselves.

i saw this furry bug on the window. it's disgusting. so i shrieked and closed the window. HARD. and squashed it. was happy. :D

brown cow. teehee.

we stopped for a toilet break. and saw dandelions!! oh mannn!

little jinelle. :)

then after that we stopped at some kiosk and we went to the toilet. it's 0.50 euro. then if we buy something from the kiosk, we can claim back our 0.50. this is the toilet voucher. -.- lameness.

schaffhausen, switzerland

random scenery. :)

the rhinefalls. largest in europe.

black forest, germany

we didn't have pork knuckles.

lunch. chicken chop again. -.-

black forest cake. wine was present in the cream. very very bitter. didn't finsih it.

then we went to look at the cuckoo clocks.

i dare say they sell these displays for a very high price. it's sooo tiny!

they also sell pretty lamp stands.

this cow is LAME can. -.-

cute.

germany!

pretty serviette ya!

this meal is included. so what do you think?

i gave you a very obvious hint le. YES. chinese again. :) there are many others just that i didn't take the picture. :)

cologne, germany

on the way to cologne. look at the fields. the flowers all bloom and here's the yellow fields. :)

jinelle's toy. she calls blossom? pinky. -.-

and piglet, piggy. -.-

this is the cothic cathedral of cologne. it is also the place where cologne originated.

there are many people drawing on the floor with chalk. very talented people.

after that it's chinese food again. i can't stand the food so i ate rice and soup. :(

was crossing the road when i saw this cute sign. -.-

amsterdam, holland

we thought we're staying in this huge hotel. but we're wrong, the driver made a mistake. T_T

on the way to our correct hotel. :) it's wow right. hehe.

however, the next hotel we went, i dare say it's very cool. hoho.

room number!!!

we have a garden! hoho.

windmill. :)

next morning, the breakfast is getting from good to great!

they have donuts and waffles and soft boiled eggs! forgot to take the egg. looks so cute in the egg stand. hehe.

keukenhof garden! we were lucky actually. cos the flowers are actually starting to wilt. and we saw them just in time, but the gardeners have already started to pluck out the wilting flowers.

they sell many strawberries here. hoho.

look at this stupid hotdog. -.- it was outside the garden.

the ticket to enter the wonder garden. -.-

a walk around the big garden. i tell you, one hour is definitely not enough. i don't exactly remember or take every name of the flower down. so ust view with you eyes. haha. don't read. -.-

real ones. teehee.

then we head off to the red light district. NO PHOTOGRAPHY. i'm rather afraid if i took those pictures, i'll get whacked and murdered. the people were selling cannibis in broad daylight! faint! NO GOVT. -.-

we sat the canal cruise anyways.

the factory? we didn't go in.

jinelle's mother gave me this sweet. cool. hehe.

after the canal cruise, we went a bit of shopping at the fisherman's village. it is where the sea level is higher than land. they built a dam.

i don't know why it looks normal here. but we standing over there, the sea level is very very obviously higher. -.-

brussels, belgium

sky sky!

the atomium.

the mannekin pis! so lamee! and very small. i ZOOMED. -.-

we bought belgium chocolates. yum. :) and then we headed to paris. the bus broke down on the expressway. tour guide said we're very "suay".

paris, france

bored on the bus. so take a few scenery stuff.

bye bye max! he dislikes paris. -.- for certain safety reasons.

the coach was stuck in a traffic jam, so we decided to take the train. we have to open the door ourselves. -.-

signboard on the way to notre dame.

notre dame. familiar huh. yea! the hunchback of notre dame. -.-

step on this and i'll come back next time.

random tree. -.-

this is the arc de triomphe. right in the middle of a round about. many many cars.

from what the person said, this man with his head in his hand walked up the mountain and roled his head down. -___-|| i would say myth.

it's very very big. and metallic. -.- and TALL.

view from eiffel tower 2nd floor.

we sat the canal cruise in paris.

it lights up at about 9pm, and it still looks like 5pm in singapore! cool.

i didn't know i got a chance to see the statue of liberty, france. it had a very very dirty face though. -.-

we stayed in mercure hotel. singapore has one. :D

room number again!

bed was perfect. :D

jin and the birdie. blur though. dinner was chinese again and it totally sucks. the fried chicken is filled with HAIR. i ate cup noodle that night.

the next day was free day. shopping day! bought quite alot of clothes. :D

the train station.

next day we head for the eurostar to take the train to london.

london, england

oops.

we ate at some chinese restaurant again. ans this lion statue has one serious dick. Oo.

close up.

the westminster abbey.

london was flooded with london cabs. hehe.

at buckingham palace, there's this statue. gold and pretty.

london bridge is falling down....

london bus!

the statue of queen victoria.

some pictures were to blur so yaaaa~ I POST UP very good le. TEDIOUS leh!

PHEW. i think that is about it! FINALLY i'm done. omggg. took two whole days. next one would be my graduation. zzzzz!

not good day

2008-03-17T19:43:00.006+08:00

Woke up at 6 am, and the first thing i know is my mood was fucking not good. And i missed the first bus, and then i ran for the second bus. fuck. I hate work. I hate buses crowded with fucking smelly people who smokes early in the morning or people with fucking pungent perfume, not perfume, is smelly water. And the diarrhoea I had ytd makes the whole bus trip fucking worse. To add to my misery, I missed the fucking bus stop because there were too many people and I can't get off the fucking bus. And then I was forced to get down opposite TM and walk fucking far to the interchange to take 37. I swear my feet was burning. In the end I had a very round blister in the middle of my fucking foot. When i reached the bus stop at work, I walked up this fucking long and steep pathway till I can see the stupid logo that says "THALES". My feet died. The first thing I do today at work is the same throughout the whole day. I was sorting out letters and folding them in to envelopes and then repeat it again. One was the original piece, the other is the photocopied one. wtf right? I spend the whole day just doing that and I didn't have lunch because I had diarrhoea and I didn't dare to eat the food at the canteen. And when I reach home. I tied to entertain myself with the computer but nothing entertains me. I tried to sleep but I can't sleep. WTF IS WRONG WITH TODAY. I know why I complained so much here cos no one listens to my complaints. Not trying to piss you off. OK?

It's just me and my fucking bad day. My hair was nice though. Very calm. I'm just so pissed that I want to cry. Really cry the shit out. Yes, shall do that to the pillow.

I wished someone would just appear in front of me and give me a big hug. Anyone will do. I want a warm warm overwhelming hug. I need to calm down.

still fucking hate today. and fucking not wearing heels tmr. I don't care whether it's tuesday or dress formal day. I'm so dressing down with my comfortable slippers so that I could run better for that fucking bus 27.

I wished I had money to calm me down.

Oh ya, another reason I didn't eat lunch was because I don't have cash and there is no ATM and the nearest shopping center is like an expressway away. FUCK CHANGI INDUSTRIAL PARK.

I need to watch Step Up 2 the Streets. :(

13.03.2008

2008-03-13T21:26:00.003+08:00

Went to raffles city to have lunch at Soup Spoon. Didn't take much pictures. Was LAZY. Haha. Then we went to Suntec and then Marina Square. Nothing much. So we went home. Short and boring day.

AHHHHHH. I want DRESSES. T_T I want to go shopping. :(

12.03.2008

2008-03-12T14:15:00.005+08:00

We met for dinner and we had wasabi. Was an emotional night. -.-
Especially the goodbye part.

Yea, the food. It was nice. Didn't get to take the pics of his share. Hoho. whatever. A simple meal for a 2 year anniversary. As usual, I have gotten no present from him. Not that I'm meaterialistic or what. Just thought at least have some thought for me la. MEAL GO DUTCH SOMEMORE. Haha. Small matter. I owed him anyways. Money is so messing with this relationship. Shit.

If I got presents from him, Singapore would be covered with snow. :( Sucks. I'm not like other girls with occasions like that filled with presents. :( This is kinda saddening. BUT I TOLERATE 2 YEARS LE. Why now then complain. cos I tolerate 2 years le. =.= TOO LONG. :(

I'm sad. Yea. Sad.

11.03.2008

2008-03-11T18:15:00.004+08:00

Memory IS a bad thing.

selfish boyfriend

2008-03-09T00:26:00.005+08:00

I HAVE TO DECLARE SOMETHING. YEO POH LONG is a VERY VERY VERY selfish person. DON'T ever go shopping with him. DIE DIE also don't go. Today will be the last day I'll ever go shop at shopping centers with him.

What did he do? What did he do!?
He will pull you away from all the shops that you want to go. And then push you into the shops that he WANTS to go. That means, he do not want to shop with you BUT he wants you to shop with him.

BOY, you make me PISSED(CAPITAL LETTERS).

In the end he bought a watch and because HE SPENT more than $100 and HE USED my gender to win another two movie tickets because it's International Women's Day. Zzz. And he bought 4 shirts and I ONE. He bought berms, I bought TIGHTS.

I had TWO plastic bags, He had FOUR. Zzz.

Not a very happy day BUT, he apologized. I don't whether he meant to say sorry or because he wants to EAT DING TAI FUNG because I said since today is such a unhappy day, we shall just have a simple meal and I was thinking LJS. Zzz.

Just freaking don't go shopping with him. ARGH.

Since when do I pull him away from the shops that he wanted to enter. WAH, I'm very pissed. So pissed that I wanted to go home at that point just to realise that I CAN'T cause we already booked the tickets for 10,000 BC at 9 pm. I have to TOLERATE. If I don't burst it out now. I may never have the chance or the memory to remember what happened today. Girls REMEMBER EVERYTHING and I make sure I do.

READ AND FACE THE WALL AND THINK. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AND I AM DEFINITELY NOT PETTY.

10,000 BC is nice. :D

After that we went home. Actually I'm quite happy with what I bought. BUT if isn't because of him, I would have more plastic bags instead of two pathetic ones.

NIGHT.

06.03.2008

2008-03-07T01:16:00.002+08:00

FINALLY, we decided to take the bus and the mrt and not drive his teet teet van. I just find that sitting in the van with Love is not the same as sitting the bus. We can't cuddle, we can't like look into each other eyes and talk or else will have accident. -.- And finally we got the chance! we cuddled in the bus on the way home and talking so ever happily. Yup. That's a rare chance now. I can't seem to know why I used to hate taking the bus in the past. I miss taking the bus now. Haha. Whatever. Actually we wanted to catch 10000 bc today, but we forgot we didn't bring the van along. HAHA. So we can't catch late movies. -.- We went shopping instead. FINALLY, bought a PINK polo for Love. He was like. EEEEE. HAHA. But I bought it. HOHO. Yea. Shall but bermudas for him. He looks so nice with polo and bermudas. He sure looks YUMM. Ha. Whatever. It's a short night with him. But it's happy enough. :)

03.03.2008

2008-03-03T13:34:00.005+08:00

Sunday evening was heart-talk-with-Love evening. I realised that we had a great time. Though for a minute I really felt like giving him a flat punch in the face. We had dinner together at the same time playing Big 2.5 at Viwawa's. Love was like, "EEEE. Why can use skill one! Why the cheat one. Walao." It was noobish, but who havn't been noobed before. Then we moved on to Wahjong. Then we talked and talked and played. Then it was time for Love to go home. Oh, and I also realised that Love's got a really great sexy butt/butt crack. He was like going to fall off the sofa and I pulled his pants from behind and to realise his pants was too loose. POOF. His butt smiled.

Today was boring, I have to wait for Love to finish work, go home bathe and come fetch me to have dinner. Hope the dinner turns out great. :)

Oh ya, I'M GOING EUROPE.

I cannot wait. :)

Oh ya, I know i promised you cob webs and stuff. I guess I need to empty thoughts though. :)

29.02.2008

2008-03-01T00:45:00.003+08:00

I'm fucking sad (that's how I phrase very x 1000000 sad) and that refers to today and the day after and whatever day after today.

I guess this blog is going to be filled with spider webs from today on. Have fun all and chill.

28.02.2008

2008-02-28T18:06:00.006+08:00

Post deleted. Too messy. :)

27.02.2008

2008-02-27T20:09:00.006+08:00

Does anybody knows how boring it is to stay at home the whole day? I spent my whole day watching home videos and other movies. Love's said he's coming to fetch me to have dinner but then 40 bags of rice threatened to do a ruck on him if he decided to bring them together to my house. So I ended up eating TOM YUM MEE SUA that my mother cooked ALONE. Very delicious though. :D Love missed that out. I watched Meet the Spartans, Atonement, and I am going to watch THE EYE. Oh, and i popped some nerds(the small colorful sugar) with my vitamin E together down my throat. It says, "Take 1 capsule daily WITH food." I didn't understand whether it was after or before so I ate with it together. Won't cause death anyways. -.- I introduced my mother to play WAHJONG at viwawa's. Guess maybe she's gonna win me a Wahjong trophy. -.- HAHA. At least she would stop watching the drama series that she had been watching for maybe more than 2 weeks. Those alien language I've been hearing is giving me a headache. ICYDK, I SO do not understand Cantonese. Only a little. :) And i meant, really A little. :) By the way it gets quiet in the night because my mother uses the EARPIECE that she got from the plane during our trip to Thailand. HAHA. Whatever.

A new word I've learnt today : Remit

This word may not be a stranger to you, but it was just introduced to me by Love. This was the conversation. Includes some Han Yu Pin Yin. -.-
Cheese tofu is Love. Cinderella is me. -.- Mei is my sister.

cheese tofu & hotdog. favourites. says:
okok
u need money
tell me ok
i remit to u
CINDERELLA IS NEXT. says:
remit?
whats that
so chim wor
cheese tofu & hotdog. favourites. says:
find wiki
or ask mei
ur english so cham meh
CINDERELLA IS NEXT. says:
zzz
cheese tofu & hotdog. favourites. says:
ask mei!
CINDERELLA IS NEXT. says:
zzz
she say song qian hui jia -.-

Send money home? -.- Whatever. It's not like I'm in need. I have been staying at home for the past don't know how many days. Do I look like I need money? I JUST NEED MY BABY LOVE. :D

After that he ignored what I said and he finished the conversation with this.

cheese tofu & hotdog. favourites. says:
dear i _ _ _ _
brb

COME ON OKAYY. He even got this emoticon for his game which I can't post it up. Duh. MSN me and I'll be happy to show you how irritating is that emoticon.

I'm going to watch THE EYE and ignore Love not because his English is broader than mine, it is BECAUSE he is going to play his 4 letter word game (D _ _ A). AH AH Don't act blur. I gave you a confirm victory hint. Almost all guys touched that game before. You know, I know, EVERYONE knows. Stupid game. LALA.

Me : Let's go dutch.
Love : HUH? When?
Me (HAHA) : Let's pay our own share.

This is a HAHA situation. Happened about a year ago.

26.02.2008

2008-02-26T18:01:00.004+08:00

I woke up at 3.30pm! Gosh, when will I stop waking up at such an odd hour. I'm going to start work maybe next week and I have to really adjust my sleeping time. However actually, I could have slept on till the night but do you know what woke me up? And I would like to stress the freaking disadvantage of living in a HDB flat beside a piece of blank land. You have noisy pasar malam shelter type set up and whatever the occasion is happening there beat the drums daylight out of you. That was what happened yesterday. Today was a little different. They were singing and singing and singing and playing the erhu and blasted all out on speakers. I hate it. Sorry if offended any one of any religion but it's only personal and it TOTALLY affected me. Finished with the complaining, I watched Supernatural. Man, I'm still so in love with that series. Hope it goes on and on, and I will make sure that I have each and every episode of it. Oh ya, by the way, the Writer's Strike has ended and that's very good. After Supernatural was Torchwood! I was thinking what would it be after Torchwood. I am so idle. I have nothing to do. :( However, i want to make this week as occupied as possible, because I'm not very sure whether I have the time to do whatever I want next week. Damn, there goes the cymbals. Nuisance to my ears and they are just repeating noise. Whatever, I'll see what I can do. Maybe find more thriller/supernatural series to watch. Somehow these shows are very limited and they can be very linked-up. I feel as if i know everything about these shows. Maybe i should open a supernatural dictionary. If I have the lame time. Zzz.

P.S He sounded normal today. I have to sound normal too. I have to treat it as nothing happened, but the blog reminds me. Hm. Whatever.

25.02.2008

2008-02-25T04:29:00.002+08:00

It's been a very long while since I blogged yea. Many days have passed normally, sometimes, rather happily and sweet. but i guessed Mr. Quarrel decided to pay us a visit. Damn it, he is so not invited.
The past few days was good.

Saturday, 23 February 2008
We went out on a date. A very expensive date, or maybe I should just say, belated valentine's day. I woke up at 2pm. that's not a very good start actually, but small matter. then baby came and sat at my house for a few hours before we headed out for Tampines Mall. We went to buy tickets for Death Note, and then we went to have Ding Tai Fung. Pictures were restricted in DTF so didn't take any pictures. After that we shopped for 3 hours at the same place, which was so impossible. However we did it, we loitered around till 8.45pm because the show starts at that time. We got no other choice. Actually that was the sweetest part of the day. Baby bought me a thousand-piece puzzle of Belle. That's the greatest gift I have ever had from him by the way. Hahaha. Oh. Plus the frame, and we had to bring the whole thing into the cinema very carefully. There were alot of people watching Death Note. Like I always say, Death Note is superb. However, it was much more predictable than the first two episodes and funnier. I went like "HAHAHAA" like a retard. After that baby drove me home and we bid our goodbyes. I am so loving that day. It was purely happiness. :)

Sunday, 24 February 2008
Baby came to my house. He surprised me actually. I woke up at 2 plus and I smsed him to ask whether he was awake. He told me he was in Raffles City buying DONUTS. I was like "HUH!". Was already very surprised, and he made me excited of his arrival. not because of the donuts OK. I was hoping that he's going to wear my favourite type of clothes. And he telepathically did! I was rather overjoyed. He was the perfect man at that moment. Not to say he's not on normal days. Haha. Then we started fixing our puzzle from 3pm to 7pm. It was tedious work for baby. His mouth cannot stop moving and he was like complaining to himself throughout the fixing. I didn't hear what he was complaining as I was so damn engrossed with the puzzle. Haha. At one time he was singing like a chipmunk, the other time he was rolling on the floor babbling some stuff that I know I heard it but I don't know what was he saying. It was funny. Then we went out to have dinner at some Hougang Taiwan Restaurant. After that Baby and my family went to buy groceries. Baby helped to carry tissue boxes and toilet rolls and then we went home. At the end, what made the whole day so complete was the sms he sent me. He told me he enjoyed fixing the puzzle with me and some other stuff. I forgot. It's was moving but I didn't cry. Haha.

Today, 25 February 2008
Baby came to my house after work. We had dinner at Compass point Food court with my family. We managed to "chop" a small table and we started buying our food. The whole table was full with no space at all. The five of us were like squeezing. Too bad Sakae Sushi was hell damn of a long queue. I really dislike dinner time. Then we went home to continue on our puzzle when Mr. Quarrel came. Shall not elaborate on what he did but it certainly did damage. Then baby went home but Mr. Quarrel was still communicating with us with sms. Smsed were launched at each other. And the day ended with a "night". Hope it gets better tomorrow. I want it to be like the past two days. It was saddening. :(

P.S. Maybe I'll just pass with the pictures. Too tedious. Haha.

2008-02-12T15:48:00.000+08:00

i hate whatever that is happening around or to me now. it's sucks and it puts me in a god damn shaolin mood-down.

i fucking hate GSCM.

exams

2008-02-11T01:25:00.000+08:00

system integration : 12 feb 2008
global supply chain mgt : 13 feb 2008
logistics & distribution : 15 feb 2008

all STRAIGHT after CNY.

DAMN IT. NYP sucks like shit.

SHIT NYP.

SCREW/FUCK/KILL/MURDER THE DATE SETTER(S).

I HATE HIM/HER/THEM.

FUCK LAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

back

2008-02-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

why did i get so fickle-minded these few days. didn't know which blog to use. maybe i'll just use this good old one. :) i can be quite sadistic. HAHA YYQ HAVE TO CHANGE LINK AGAIN. whatever.

yeo poh long changed. he's not the person he used to be.

i want this guy before he got his job. this fun, enthusiastic, sweet and everything nice guy. not the bad, insensitive mystery person that i have never met before.

sorry for all the complaining. i love yeo poh long. you know which one i'm referring to.

so many things to tell someone that i feel like vomiting it all out to him/her. blogging isn't the best way. everyone knows and i have to respect the hot topic person. maybe i'll switch to a diary or something (so gayyy). whatever. at least i can say what i want. i think will get a book. oh and a sore right hand. and my third finger dented from holding the pen.

i just have to pour it all out or i'll go nuts.

the last post of emilious

2008-01-26T15:36:00.001+08:00

i decided to make it all nice and short. so the link at the top is the place where you should go if you hate lengthy posts. :) i still see you all around ya!

you can still see the previous posts from the archives below. :)

2008!

2008-01-01T23:26:00.000+08:00

went for the 2008 countdown at downtown east. nothing much and it was BORING. -.- the grass we sat on was so prickly and irritating. feels like you're sitting on needles. sucks!

tuesday, 1 january 2008
stayed at home till 5pm and then we headed down to the old turf club at bukit timah i guess. -.- and we had seafood.

saw all my cousins. was kinda happy to see them all. haha. yea. we had abalone, shark's fin, yam + scallop, noodles, disgusting SALTED EGG crabs(omg), vegetables, garlic prawns, fried rice, beijing duck, black pepper duck, oh ya i didn't know duck was seafood, -.- , whatever, and pudding. -.-

oh ya. and then there was this old woman, kinda FUNNY huh! she went like, "you are the head of the house, why didn't you stand by her? WHERE IS YOUR HEAD MAN!?" we were like laughing away LAAA. -.- HAHA. lame old woman. -.-

then we went to aunt lillian's house for tea and chocolates. :D

and then we went home :)

OOH... sorry i cant make it for supper with yyq mk jon +++ people. it was REUNION DAY! haha. -.- call me next week for supper ya! :)

damn people!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

i'm hitting 20 this year. so old. -.- i already started planning for my 21st. lame am i. -.-

bird park, birthday & christmas

2007-12-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

wednesday, 19th december 2007
the jurong bird park. first we went to jurong point to buy some snacks and then we headed for the park by bus.
here it is!

this spy cam is cool! they put the sign saying : "LIVE CAM" -.- so lame.

i dunno what bird species are these. they sure looked ugly.

I LOVE the flamingoes. you should really see how they fly.

Some hawk show.

HEY. this bird talks okayyy. in a realy high pitched voice. a screech i should say.

DAMN! my favourtie place.

bought the food for just 2 dollars and a whole flock came rushing after me.

we made a BIG U TURN because of these two idiots. -.-

i bet you cant see the flamingoes that was SUPPOSED to appear behind.

the penguins were cute.

look how it dances. haha.

THESE FRIES COST SGD$9. zzz. we ate GOLD. -.-

the owls. there were more owls but it was VERY blur and dark.
After that we went to weihui's house and we played monopoly and then we went home. VERY TIRED.

monday, 24 december 2007
baby came to my house.
and my aunt came back from japan! bought me a CAMERA. omg! my own CAM. hahahaha!

MY FIRST OWN CAM.
finally. zzz. but the manual is in japanese. zzz. whatever. -.-
then we went to SURF & TURF for dinner.
my whole family decided to celebrate my birthday eve. -.- haha.

TOO MUCH FOOD. CANNOT FINISH. ZZ.
other pictures :)

after dinner we walked to the esplanade.

After listening to some deafening punk music, we went to C.H.I.J.M.E.S. then to DOWNTOWN EAST. -.-
we went to play the arcade. and i saw these lame stupid bananas.

this is nice.

then we slacked at Macs for quite some time and we headed to Mount Faber. there were so many people and there was no parking lot so we went back down. sent baby home and went home. reached home at 3am. -.-

tuesday, 25 december 2007
my birthday. -.-
we ut the cake first. -.- at 4pm. -.-

then we decided to go mount faber again. -.-

after that we went to SILAT road? ave? whatever. -.- to eat POPIAH.

HEY, the word "2. sweet sauce" is MISSING. zz. nvm. -.-

the result. hoho.

after that we went home. :)

oh ya. baby gave me this old game. WORMS ARMAGEDDON. O.O! haha. we played and then we watched national treasure the first part. the NT:Book of Treasures is very nice. YOU should go watch. :)

that's about it i guess. this is quite a great birthday.

cookies and chocolate fudge cake

2007-12-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

cookies - success
chocolate fudge cake - TOTAL failure

baby came to my house today to bake cookies and cake. however, all the work was given to me and he and my sister went to watch the HONG XIN BIG PRIZE. wth?

but whatever. -.- the cookies turned out ok, the cake sucks. -.-

after that we went downtown east to have out dinner at Different Taste.

then we went arcade. -.- played bishi bashi game with mama and sister. haha. lame game. -.-

then we went to eryi house to pass her the camera cos they are going to thailand! COOL. i want to go laa. :(

yea. then my father chased the bus 168 for baby. -.- honked at the bus. -.-

baby got on. haha. thanks to father. -.- baby run like shit la. -.- HAHA. and we went home. :)

that's today. had somehow some fun. -.-

i love baby. he loves jumping into conclusions. zzz. pissed me off so many times today.

NEVERMIND. I FORGIVE YOU. :D

our 21st month (1yr9mths)

2007-12-13T00:38:00.000+08:00

i love you to bits.

happy 21st month :)

antbuster MANIA!

2007-12-12T02:00:00.000+08:00

i think i went too crazy about the antbuster game.
ICYDK what is antbuster, copy and paste the link below. choose whether you want to play with the cheat or without.

Without the cheat - http://rstein.marcelstein.com/antbuster/
With the cheat (money hack) - http://yol.pe.kr/entry/antbuster앤트버스터-Money-Hack-버전

kinda fun. hehe. whatever. after i got the money hack, somehow lost interest cos im like POWERFUL. haahaha. -.- whatever.

here is the screen shot of the one with cheat. -.- VERY good artillery. -.-
haha. yup. GOD mode. -.-

the max lvl i went without cheat is lvl 83. see how far can i go with the cheat. HOHO. -.-
i'm still playing. i mena the game with cheat is still going on and currently im at lvl 73. HAHA. so lame.

going to sign the contract with recruit tmr. and i have to work on friday. SUCKS. i sitll have to sit bus to work LA. zzz. mother & sister is coming back on friday morning and SO, father cannot fetch me to work. ZZ. i have to wake up at FREAKING 6.30AM. HOW CAN? -.-

whatever, my antbuster is,

at lvl 74 at 2.08 am,
at lvl 76 at 2.11 am,
at lvl 78 at 2.14am.

im getting rather impatient actually.

at lvl 80 at 2.22am,
at lvl 82 at 2.27am,

ok. that's enough. i want to slp. zz. goodnight people. will leave my com on for ANTBUSTER!

haha. i think playing without the cheats is more fun. -.- now that im god mode, it seems like i wont lose. -.- haha. taaa!

i wish school would just suddenly end

2007-12-10T13:30:00.000+08:00

this friday im working. sucks, i dont feel like working. MAN. i want to go Japan with jeriel and family. T_T popo asked me to go with my sister, but my mother said NO. =.= zzz. school starts at 4pm today. late huh. might as well dont go. HOW CAN. -.- and i finished watching heroes season one in two days. cool huh. i slept at 8 am on saturday. HAHA. whatever. im finding season 2 now. and my superbatural season 3 epi 8 comes out on 13 december. SUCKS. so long la. =.= man-babe dota-ed all day. stupid. -.-

and i have nothing to do now. wanted to watch ghost whisperer season 1 - 3 during the two weeks holidays. HAHA. and just FORGET about him. ya he will use dota to forget me too. whatever. -.-

was wondering what will they ask me to do there. sort papers? REPAIR intranet? O.o omg. -.- COLLECT JOB DESCRIPTIONS? DOMG! please dont do this to me! ahhhh! bless me anyways. i'm confirm working this friday. T_T

off to surf the internet. =.= so bored. i wished i had some game to keep me occupied. urgh.

wasting my life, i still have one more CT

2007-12-08T16:58:00.002+08:00

friday, 07 december 2007

it was man-babe's 20th birthday!

went to The Cathay (first time = suaku) to watch golden compass. i know it's some kind of anti-chist thing, but i just cannot see any link. seriously. -.- i only came across the serpent thing. -.- whatever. after that we went heeren. nothing much and it was RAINING. so irritating. -.-then we went to have sakae sushi. -.- i find that the value of it had dropped cos i have been eating that like 3-4 times A MONTH. will not eat anymore. :D

then man-babe and i went home.

happy 20th birthday my boy!

:D this is the present i made for him. :D it's nothing that's why im going to give him another present. -.- i just need time. CTs hve already eaten away my precious time. zzz.

cute isn't it. ~_~

that's it. then baby went home WITHOUT taking this card. -.-

saturday, 08 december 2007

i woke up at 3.40pm. i know it's very late but whatever, someone don't bother to wake me up. maybe he doesn't want to see me. but yea. it's already 5.52pm, too late.

and i played the last stand, cleared it. :D

Easy game. -.-

and i watched sponge bob. he's so retarded. -.-

eating salad now. love it. will blog if there's any happenings. -.- byee for now.

the weeks passed. and i tooting shagged

2007-12-04T01:41:00.001+08:00

fucking cant wait for the term break. fuck leh. so irritated CAN. it's like after the common tests, there are the presentations and MORE common tests till i die on 17th dec. fuck fuckety fuck. and then to add to my frustration, my attachment company called and asked me whether i could work. THEY TOLD ME THEY NEED HELP. HOW TO REJECT YOU TELL ME? now i have to go to work on friday and i am SUPER fucking tired. now i have to rush on my presentation for TOMORROW. HOW TO SLEEP YOU TELL ME. man-babe still ask me to sleep early. -.-

FAT-BABE AINT SLEEPING TILL SHE FINISHES HER PPT SLIDE.

FUCK

i wished MOMO people fall down the stairs and the presentation will be postponed till NEXT YEAR.

i very pekchek. VERY CAN.

BANG HEAD GO DIE LA

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK

i feel so out of petrol. tired like shit.

man-babe thinks im petty(not typo)

2007-12-02T17:51:00.000+08:00

i may be too over reactive to the things that he say, but i am sensitive to things that, logically, should be sensitive to.

i dunno what to do. :(

the quarrelling *toot*ing sucks.

to man-babe :

urgh. feel so unhappy. -.-

after that, raffles-babe and me went to cp to meet man-babe. ate burger king. yea.
and we chat loads. man-babe got a job. GOOD. :D hope man-babe gets his license asap.

and mam and sir came to fetch raffles-babe and me.

i feel like a maid. -.- so lame. im fat-babe FYI. :D

oh yea. the christmas lightings. i simply LOVE christmas

2007-11-30T01:28:00.000+08:00

went to orchard road with whole famil and man-babe. :D

saw the lights, took some pictures and headed home.

not much though. wait till christmas maybe.

oh ya. man-babe died his hair. mam keep saying he VAIN. -.-

walking along.

this was nice. around tangs. looked so magnificent.

that's if for that night.

im finally back; totally looking like a freaking hag

2007-11-17T03:17:00.001+08:00

so much happened when i was on my blogger vacation. -.-
i went to genting, i went sakae-ing again & i watched beowulf.
huh? THREE only? hey. the genting part can kill me already. three only three only. pui.

genting
ok. let's start with genting. it was BORING. though the rides in the theme park were not bad.
first, i would like to tell you people that genting is DEFINITELY not for me. neither is it for you. i'll make it NO for you too even if you still think that genting is for you.
most people go there to gamble. that SUCKS okay.
that's the sole purpose of my father, mother & popo going there. so many casinos.

first day. was that excited that i cant sleep. i get excited easily when i know i'm going overseas. as long as it's something to do with that little red book, im exhilarated. :D
woke up at 5+ i think. then bathed and got ready. baby stayed over at my house oh! :D
after that we got up the maxicab to lavender. by the way, it was my first time sitting that cab. COOL okay. :D also quited excited about the taxi thing. -.-

actually, it's very TIRING to blog EVERYTHING out. man. shall i just provide you pics. of if your really want to know the WHOLE story, go to my sister's blog. :D i can say she's mad to blog almost every detail out. it took her a few days. zzz.

i'm still like uploading the pics like mad. i think you should just go my sis blog.
oh ya, m'sia tandas SUCKS cann. T_T

here are SOME. take note o the SOME word. there are still MANY. zz.

bubblegum. -.- you all know.

we reached the hotel.

super ORBIT la. lieww.

went to have lunch at pizza factory. can take evryone. -.-

YUMMY OK. i dont eat chicken wings. but i do eat THESE.

this was ok ok. STANDARD. haha.

the fish were like super hungry la. weihui conned the fishes with her empty hands. -.- sholud have uploaded the video. -.-

the rest of the photos are our photos. haha.

this pictire is my ALL TIME FAV. haha. we were like laughing till our ass drop la.

yea. then we went back to singapore. -.- home's the best, but i missed sleeping in the same room with my sister, weihui and baby. mann. it was fun with them.

wednesday, 14nov2007
baby cam and we went to eat sakae. the three of us ate and ate and ate and this is how we feel about it.

friday, 16nov2007
baby came to my house again in his friend's car. then we went to watch beowulf. very nice show. some sort like 300. however, i don't get the ending part. -.-
then we went to eat cafe cartel. the rib SUCKS. no more CC for me. pui. then we went home.

that's it. i finished at 5 am in the morning on saturday. zzz. i need sleep. i have flu and i have mucus running down my nose and i kept sneezing and my throat is not very comfortable and i haven't done my resume and cover letter and the indian woman homeowork and my SIA Presentation is due on monday. i'm going to DIEE.

by the way, didn't link my friends. will link them tmr. :)

23.10.2007

2007-10-23T01:44:00.000+08:00

omg? haven been blogging since.... mannn.. i lost track of time la. and i really missed out the posting of pictures. so many things happened. school started, then projects started coming up! and presentations too. omg?

so busy! i think i wont be able to update too often like i did when i was having the attachment and the holidays. -.- haha. but, see you all soon again. will try to like update once a week. MASS UPDATE. HOHO. taaas!

09.10.2007

2007-10-09T19:15:00.000+08:00

today is not good for me. i feel not so nice.

and i did some digging. dug out this. did it quite some time ago.

he looks weird. but whatever. i'm sleeping. just feel moodish. have to go to work tmr. i rather go school.

04.10.2007

2007-10-04T14:33:00.000+08:00

bored. all i can say is bored.

yesterday, 03.10.2007
i went to bao's house to play pw. played till around 5 ALONE and then we went to ps to watch movie and eat carl's junior. -.-

the show was nice. not bad actually. but i want to watch balls of fury. -.-

very full. -.-

today, 04.10.2007

i guess this week is impossible to go out. oh yea.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YYQ! :D

sigh. nothing to do today. i can't find my top coat. :( very sad. T_T

painted my nails metallic blue. cant find any inspiration to paint patterns. -.- haha. nvm. -.- back to pw. have to level to 49 or else i will not have 3 m when the beta OPENS! omg!
i have one more week to reach 49. i must be very very hardworking. -.- taas.

02.10.2007 part ii

2007-10-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

back after watching metamorphosis. -.- oh ya. i forgot to announce some mojor thing that i have finally accomplished. :D

LOOK CLOSELY. i cleared EXPERT. haha. whatever. back to perfect worlding. -.- taas. and advanced goodnight. :)

02.10.2007 part i

2007-10-02T20:17:00.000+08:00

time was quick. it's october now.

yesterday, 01.10.2007
i went to little india with my mother to have my eyebrows done. it looked ok but somehow weird. oh ya. i saw this building. it was pretty so i took a picture of it. :)

whatever. then my mother and me went to the national library in town and we sat at Han's while waiting for the arrival of my sister. then we went to Cafe Oliv's for dinner.

i only took the mushroom soup cos i forgot the main course. -.- all i can say is the food is not very nice actually. but the decos in the cafe is uber pretty. hmm. Bark Cafe is much much much much better. same old thing. i am so full that i cannot think of food anymore or else my stomach will burst. -.- after that bao came to meet me at cp. accompanied him to burger king and he ate his dinner. after that he went to my house to watch the 9 o'clock show. -.- and he went home.

today
nothing much happened today. i played perfect world the moment i woke up. i slept at 4 am ytd anyways. then my popo came.she brought homemade CURRY. very nice curry. and i ate it with bread. delicious. :) she sat for awhile and she went home. dinner was also curry. -.- and i continued playing till now. shall go bathe now and watch the 9 oclock show. :D taas.

30.09.2007 part ii

2007-09-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

back from white sands. heard that my mother said that there's this guy which always lingers at the staircase at the block of my HDB. -.- wish i have only 2 dollars on hand so that he will like ROB off 2 dollars only. HAHA. count him as SUAY.

yea. was chatting happily with annette at macs when she saw jeriel and daryl. hahaa. -.- then they were uber lame and we chatted crap till 11 pm and we bade farewell. -.-

am very tired today. even bao is tired. can hear from his voice. so i let him sleep and not chat with me. HAHA. -.- sweet dreams to him anyways.

sweet dreams for me too. actually i prefer dream that is full of action. hahaha. you know like those catching thieves and stuff. haha. or maybe those type of dreams where you are trapped in a room and you have to find your way out. or trapped in a house. but however NOT ALONE. of course with someone. best is with someone that i know. or with someone who has the same interest of playing room escape games. HAHA. i think i'm crazy. -.- but i hope i have those type of dreams. hehe.

hmm. maybe spending the dream time with the person i love in some place. or going through some obstacles with him. ahhhh. nvm. -.- this is so pure dreaming. -.-

but as long as he's in my dream, i'm happy, but please don't let me dream of him killing me. -.- it will so truly affect the real life. -.- haha. whatever. best is him + room escape dream. i'm mad. i'm sleepy and i have a slight headache. shall go to sleep now or else i have a worse headache later.

will be going out with my mother to little india to get my eyebrows done. its like FINALLY. -.- i want to be prettyyyy. HOHO.

taas. goodnights and sweet dreams to all loved ones. you all know who you are. no need shy. i love you all.

30.09.2007 part i

2007-09-30T14:52:00.000+08:00

yesterday, 29.09.2007

went to bao's house for a maid training session. his cupboard was like TRASH. freak la. i should have taken a photo of his SMALL cupboard but when it comes to tidying up, it was like his cupboard leads to a WAREHOUSE. zzz. in the end we spent like 3 + hours clearing it up and throwing away two freaking huge and VERY heavy plastic bags. horrible afternoon. and the dust was like happily flying here and there. and my hands itched like hell. can't stop using soap and water to wash or else i'll be like a monkey. zz. then we had ba chor mee.

after that i went to plaza sing to meet my family and we watched joshua.

the show sucks totally pleaseeeeeee. DON'T ever watch it. yucks.you may still watch it if you have the HSBC card and Safra card for discount. totally $2.50. :D so it's like 7 dollars on thursday nights till sunday. and $4.50 on weekdays?

HAHA. stupid show. =.=

after that we went to have dim sum and anderson ice cream. :D then we went home. dropped dead on the bed and slept till today morning. :D

today, 30.09.2007

went tuition with my sis. bored myself at eryi's house. very boring INDEED. walao. died there for 2 hours. then we went to my father side relative's house. had ALOT there. full like hell. heard that my cousin got engaged. ya. after that we went home.

HERE I AM. blogging here with sleepy eyes. i woke up at 9 HOR! :( stupidd.

will be going out with annette later to have swensen's ice cream. HOHO.

that's all i guess. :) taas. :D

28.09.2007

2007-09-28T21:31:00.000+08:00

today is the last day of work. it's like finally. but somehow, i miss the people.

Amanda, Mandy, Stella (i can still see her in school. haha) and Alan. mann, and the Finance people, and of course. -.- the cleaner aunties.

it's a great company with great people but snobby French.

i forgot to take pictures with them! T_T nvm. will go back one day. :D

yea. miss the times with that boy holding the psp. we shall call him blonde(pohlong). i love it. haha. one funny chap.

and look at yyq face. -.- haha. so happy looking. -.-
some little random pictures. hee. missing them terribly.

went to have dinner with qiqi and we bought nail polishes. i bought gold, red and shimmering light turquiose. sweet. no $$. T_T

painting my nails now. shall post up pics after i finished. :)

taas. :)

25.09.2007 part iv

2007-09-25T20:02:00.000+08:00

posting pictures and blogging lift my spirits. maybe because he apologised i think. -.-

posting and spamming my blog with posts is lame too.

i feel like repainting my nails but my stomach hurts. :(

i'm all cramped up. i hate stomachaches. :(

25.09.2007 part iii

2007-09-25T19:57:00.001+08:00

i'm lame. i posted so many times.

lazy to go edit post again and again.

this incident made me lose my appetite.
moreover i laosai-ed.

wth. i'm hungry le. i'm going to sang3 moon with my mother and eat mooncake le. my favorite Swensen's mooncake. :D taas.

by the way, will leave one piece for the person who shouted at me. :p

25.09.2007 part ii

2007-09-25T19:34:00.000+08:00

i think i had food poisoning.

i laosai-ed and almost vomited. I'm so down.

what a great time to have diarrhea. when my heart already hurts so much and now even my asshole and stomach hurts.

maybe i should be explaining saying why i asked so many times. maybe what i meant it what caused you to go silent. yea. call me busybody and irritating.

but if i go according to the "love law", I'm in the wrong cos, I'm not his girlfriend so i have NO right to interrogate him. and i think he's right, even a girlfriend don't ask so much.

however, according to the "human law", he is not supposed to shout, i mean shout, not raise his voice, at me when i asked him in a happy and non-interrogatively way.

am i really that irritating?

25.09.2007

2007-09-25T18:26:00.000+08:00

these 3 days will be busy i guess. it's my last 3 days of work.

after work,
i was just asking why were you on silent mode when you seldom do so.
was it even my fault?

ok. it is my fault. i'm TOO irritating.

but do you have to even shout.

i'm really nothing to you now. i'm going to be so 101% stupid.

seems now i cry everyday.

don't worry. it will hurt ALOT.

24.09.2007

2007-09-24T19:33:00.000+08:00

things are harsher now.

should stop crying and continue to change.

crying only causes your eyes to be like overly stuffed pillows.

i think people who just use their brain to do things and think without the cooperation of the heart are stupid. people who just use your heart to do everything are also equally stupid. I'm saying all these in my own opinion. don't get influenced although i know somehow at least one will. -.-

when you make someone sad, your heart shows conscience. you feel bad. then your brain will think and tell you go do something to cheer that someone up and make it up to him/her.

BUT! what if that someone doesn't give you a chance to do so, the heart will get cramped up and the next thing that happens, your brain which is so irritating, send waters to the tear gland. the next thing, the tears were all set free sliding down your face like they were at Big Splash. icydk, Big Splash is situated at East Coast.

what if your heart hurts so much that the brain only concentrates on sending waters to the tear gland? at this part of the time, people do stupid things like commit suicide cos the brain isn't thinking logically and cleverly, only ordering the tear glands to free the tears. -.-

i know that feeling. rather unbearable. but i must be happy that i don't have the thinking of killing someone though i have the thinking of killing myself. I'll be like PSYCHO.

actually, people who commit suicide are 101% stupid. I'm glad that I'm only 99% stupid. when i was about to do THE stupid thing, the 1% left of SENSE, hit my head like a spider landing on me. no pain, but 100% shock. a tarantula would give 101% shock fyi.

I'm taking this very calmly and easy. and I'm happy with my results.

blogging lifts my spirits. i don't know why. but i am sure before i came to this web page, i was crying and rather heartbroken actually due to some harsh impact of the voice being raised at me, saying i have attp, when i started being sort of reluctant to put down the phone. haha. who's the attp one? you all think. -.-

but as i said, i must change. :)

no no. I'm willing to change. :)

off to watch the crazy flower crazy grass show (in mandarin). :)

23.09.2007

2007-09-23T19:25:00.000+08:00

word of the day : relieved. :)

watched UNDERDOG! today with ahbao.
not a bad show. rather good actually. :)

went to but faceshop nail polishes! woot. SHIMMERING MIDNIGHT BLUE and finally a new BASECOAT! :D

cool. had a great chat today. ANNETTE. it's ok. im OKAY. haha. huggg!

i have to MOOOVE on mann. sigh. phew.

haha. i kept letting out a gasp of relief. -.- lame. ahhh. taas. :)

22.09.2007

2007-09-22T22:27:00.000+08:00

i'm a stupid girl.

21.09.2007

2007-09-21T23:45:00.000+08:00

went out with annette and qiqi. :D

20.09.2007

2007-09-20T18:55:00.000+08:00

is this retribution. if i believe in that, i'm crap. in fact, i am already crap.

he wanted to be alone, that's what he told me.
in the end he said he's going to have dinner with her after we quarrelled.
ahh! right. i'm not your anybody anymore so whatever between the two of them is fucking none of my business. :)
hmmm. huh? close friends? fuck friends.
can say i'm not worth being his friend.
frankly speaking it will only make me even more miserable being his friend.
maybe i can't accept the fact that we broke up.
but yaaaa. i have to LEARN to let go.
for these 18 months, though there were happy times.
but i guess most of the time were downs.
and it became worse when he knew her.
hate me now. it doesn't matter. hate me now because i dislike her. :)
he wanted to be alone. alone with someone i guess. :)
he got what he wanted now. congrats.

as for me, i will pretend that i do not know him at all in order for me to move on. :)

fucking pissed mood. people reading this may think i'm some sort of fucktard. ya. i am. i dunno what to say. just have this feeling that after reading this people will think that i'm so irritating, so zhi zuo duo qing. haha. but i still have to say my piece.

ever since she appeared, he goes out with her alone. whats the big deal of going out with a girl? ya. i thought it was no big deal until i feel uneasy. i even asked my friends whether they allow their own bfs to go out with a girl alone. they all disagree but i still allow. am i crazy or what. you may think there is no trust. i trust at first. i thought everything would be okay. but in the end, his meaning of being alone is being with her. haha. how STUPID am i man.

but whatever, good luck with any girl he got his hands on. :)
for me, it's all so totally fucked up. haha.

going out with the babes tomorrow. it's my turn to be single! haha. these friends are precious. half day for tomorrow, $18 bucks gone. -.- my moneyy! gotta have some cash on hand mannnn. =.= atm card without atm machine = useless wor! -.- can't wait to see those babes.

16.09.2007

2007-09-16T13:10:00.000+08:00

i bet you smoked.

14.09.2007

2007-09-14T10:00:00.000+08:00

my 1 yr 6 months was nothing. -.-

it was slavery at work.

sucks. and im sick now. didn't report at work today. $48 pay deducted.

can't get my timesheet signed and chopped. zz. delay in pay. zzz. argghhhh.

was looking at the face shop nail polishes. this is the perfect one i need. but i don't have the nails. sooooooo. wait till my nails get loooongerr. then i'll request for it again. hoho. =.=

going to see a doctor. lost my voice. actually not really lost. just when i'm talking, i may mis a few words. means those few words have no sound. -_-" hahaha. so most of the time im whispering. hohohooho. -.-

hmmm. EARTHQUAKE!
that is the first time that i ever felt an earthquake. cooollll!
i felt it threee times!
hahahaha.
12.09.07 night, 13.09.07 morning & night.
ytd night was very mild and it lasted about a minute i guess. i was like playing my MINESWEEPER and i need total concentration when i got giddy and when i saw the lights, they were dancing. HOHO. -.-

oh ya. gonna make a new blog skin i guess. perfection EXPIRED. hoho.
gonna link some games here so that it's easier for me to click. hoho. PST. my home page is my blog soooo yaaa.. HAHA. lazy to save it at favorites. too many files there.

yaaa. so taa. gonna see the doctor at 2pm. gonna play my room escape game. hohoho. -.- taas.

11.09.2007 part ii

2007-09-11T23:22:00.000+08:00

continued. yes this is super retarded. i almost choked on air. zzz.

11.09.2007

2007-09-11T22:12:00.000+08:00

mirror mirror? hoho. that's CHOOEY. :D

oh ya. was playing minesweeper and it's the first time i see a six. -.- maybe because i don't play much of minesweeper. -.- the "thing" started when attachment started. zzz. stupid.

but actually, i sort of kinda start to like this game. -.-

yea. this is what i made at work. was thinking whether yyq would like it a not. it gives me a "secondary school" feeling. -.- forget it. -.- it's not say very nice either. -.- hahahaha.

i can't seem to find anything that i will be perfectly happy about for the rest of y life. that's very sad. but whatever, make whats perfect for the moment. all i have to do is just change if the perfectness expired. :)

taaas. thanks baby for the vapodrops. though youre the one who CAUSED my misery. BUAHAHA. -.-

10.09.2007

2007-09-10T18:28:00.000+08:00

HELLO. -.-

work can be so boring, seriously. i spend the whole freaking day watching supernatural AND step up. -.- i can't find anymore things to do. zzz. all i know now is, i have to find more movies. urgh. i JUST can't wait to get my hands on SEASON 3 of SUPERNATURAL. it's like, the supernatural frenzy rushed back to me again. and i'm crazy about jensen ackles thought his like kinda short. -.- but whatever. man. the season's coming out on october 4th. i WANT it! i wished i had the whole series. i'm serious. IM going to buy it with my hard earned MONEY. erm. only season 3. :D i have one and two. hoho.

yesterday 09.09.2007
went out with baby, annette and daryl. we went to cv to eat. :D then we slacked at burger king. -.- before that i brought bao to buy skinnies. had a little shopping spree with him. $$ gone again. -.- + the starbucks coffee! omg. VENTI somemore. zz. :D oh ya. and we had popiah for lunch. saw his Pakistan gay. zzz. really disgusted showing their affection in front of my poor eyes. YES. i AM gayist. where not hehpy? gave baby the psp deco. he loved it. haha. -.- annette was like, "hey, let's wait for the psp slim." YEA MAN. life is going to be worse than eatsleepdie if i still do not find any ENTERTAINMENT. save $$. :D let's buy TOGETHER! hoho. these two days are interesting indeed. i have never lived my saturdays and sundays so happily before. -.- hahahaa.

love little annettey chooey. :D

the day before 08.09.2007
went out with annette. bought really a whole lot. spend almost a hundred. yea. we bought psp sticker decos. $25. i didnt know why i could part with my money for that piece of sticker. maybe it's because it's for babyyyy. =.= whatever. yeaa. and i bought skinnies. :D black ones! aiming grey and maybe purple. :D $XX. hoho. earrings, $5 only! haha for 3 pairs. i lost ONE. zzz. wth. then we had pasta mania AGAIN. hahaha. $XX+++. -.- i remembered spending it on somemore things just that i can't remember how much did i really spent. -.- but i was sure it can be rounded off to a hundred. yes. on the way to breaking. (broke) zz. -.- and we toot ourselves way back home on bus number 5. :D

that's it i guess. i think i'm going to get sore throat from my only baybee.

man people. jeriel may be on TV today at 8 on channel U. :x hahaha. -.- taas.

emilious

why?

harsh

screwed

home all day

shopping

hurt, pain and cry

MOVED

school is damn it demanding

december blues

burn fats, game & study

blogging time again

going crazy soon

K.O.

finally it's saturday

school is getting better

its time to update though no one reads :)

sleepless nights

it's time to make new friends

serious breakdown

interview interviews interviewss

drained, exhausted, simpy just tired

up and downs

custom bbq

hair extensions x 200

your promise

I hate ____days

Everyone needs understanding

Japanese Village

lonely lunchtime with nobody

happy day

pohley loves

money money

not-so-bad weekend

I bruise easily

bloody ass

shopping

heart to heart talk

what i did today

yea. take me away

two weeks of slavery

work really sucks

work and games

work is so tuesday

i won't lie to myself

what i've changed into

he don't seem to be very concerned that..

i wished it was more than normal

bad day

graduation day! OMGG!

12-hour flight to our destination: EUROPE

not good day

13.03.2008

12.03.2008

11.03.2008

selfish boyfriend

06.03.2008

03.03.2008

29.02.2008

28.02.2008

27.02.2008

26.02.2008

25.02.2008

exams

back

the last post of emilious

2008!

bird park, birthday & christmas

cookies and chocolate fudge cake

our 21st month (1yr9mths)

antbuster MANIA!

i wish school would just suddenly end

wasting my life, i still have one more CT

the weeks passed. and i *toot*ing shagged

man-babe thinks im petty(not typo)

oh yea. the christmas lightings. i simply LOVE christmas

im finally back; totally looking like a freaking hag

23.10.2007

09.10.2007

04.10.2007

the weeks passed. and i tooting shagged